One day, you might wake up and realize that you have been pushing people away your entire life.
Believe it or not, humans are tribal, and we tend to like our packs. We were not meant to isolate ourselves which is why it’s easier to become depressed when we do. There is a huge difference though, in isolating yourself from others and naturally letting relationships fall away because you’ve grown apart.
Take a good look at who is still in your life right now and why. Look back over the last 10 years. Some people probably needed to go because the friendship or relationship had run it’s course; however, if you don’t have any of the same people still in your life from even 10 years ago, why is that?
Do you recognize when you are going into one of your dark spells?
Let’s face it, sometimes it really is YOU not them. Here are a few ways to evaluate what you are doing and try to correct it before it’s too late.
- You take people for granted and expect them to do everything for you…things you wouldn’t do for them. Take a look at the types of messages you send them. Are they needy? Do you check in on them when you know they are having a particularly shit week or do you sort of listen for a sec and then go back to you and what you need? Do you ask them for things over and over again knowing they are probably exhausted? Is it the same thing you asked before because you can’t be bothered to put effort into fixing it yourself? This gets old. Sometimes it seems like you are fishing for compliments, and they have to keep helping you, or reminding you that you are capable of changing things yourself. Resentment forms because you are pushing people away by constantly asking for too much and never giving anything in return. Want to fix it? Check out the last 6 messages you sent to see if this fits your pattern. Send them one saying hey. If you have a minute, I want to hear about what’s going on in your life.
- Not talking to them. Ghosting is teenage. If you message someone all the time and they try to check on you and you decide it’s okay to leave them on “read” or “seen”, it’s entirely your fault when they get fed up. You are relying on their pity in the ghost mode like “Oh, I hope so and so is okay.” That’s just mean to be honest. Maybe they have put years into the relationship and what you are doing is selfish. Don’t be surprised if they are done playing this game. Want to fix it? Call them and let them hear your voice. Explain what is going on and what happened. Be genuine. It goes a long way and it’s more rewarding to your soul than pushing them away in silence.
- Finding fault with everything. Not everything should be an argument, a disappointment, or the other person’s fault. Do you take responsibility or do you think it’s them and not you? Do you pick anything they do for you apart like it’s not good enough? Do you always ask for more, yet even it isn’t good enough? That’s on you. You are trying to push people away by arguing and being combative. How to fix it? Recognize your behavior. Come up with 3 nice things that person has done for you. Apologize for purposely trying to make them angry because that actually is what you are doing. You want them away so it can seem like it was them…but again, it’s not them.
- You have low self-esteem 99% of the time. Everyone goes through low periods of self-esteem. But the person who has it all of the time, feels like they look bad and that others see them that way too. You are reflecting that onto your friends, relationships, even co-workers. It might help to see a counselor about this. You tell yourself you can’t do things other people do because of x, but the truth is people who have x (insert whatever it is), do those types of things all the time. Burn victims become models. Tiny people become actors/actresses, and big people can exercise and do yoga. This is understandable and people will understand, but if you don’t work on it, and you only complain about it, like all the time, it will push people away. When you always have to remind people that they aren’t crappy, ugly, overweight, and that they can do anything they put their minds to, resentment will form. How to fix it? Decide that today is the day you will go a whole day without saying anything bad about yourself. Then, start to compliment yourself on things you like about yourself. If this feels difficult, start with a counselor’s help. A dietician, weight loss plan or someone who can help you turn that corner to start.
- Everything you post, say, think and do is negative. Again, you attract what you think about. Look at your last 3 posts. Think about the last conversations you have had. What are you saying in your thoughts? You know that is bringing more of the same. People get tired of the same conversations over and over and over again about the same subject. Especially when it is very negative. Want to fix this? You have to believe you can. If you think you can’t, you won’t. If for one second, you believe you really can change, you will. It is time to take responsibility for your actions, what you are putting out there, and what you are not putting out there. Step up and be the energy you want to attract into your life. You actually can do this.
Nothing on this list is out of your control. Not one thing. Pushed everyone away? Start evaluating these behaviors and begin trying the new side of you. Listen to people. Check on others. Respond back. THANK them for all they’ve done for you. Apologize and give them grace if you are having a bad day. Own it. Step into your confidence even if it’s slowly, but let them know you are working on it and you might still slip. Start with a fresh thought of the day…not looking at all your social media to compare yourself to others.
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