Back in the day, you talked to people or you didn’t talk to people. Now most people avoid talking to people.
It is so easy to hit delete, but I wonder if anyone ever thinks “What will the other person think?” Let’s chat here about this.
A “friend” deleted me, but because of the ole’ algorithm I didn’t immediately realize it. Which is fine. But once I did I thought “How strange? The last thing I remember doing was checking on her after her mother passed away.” A mutual friend said, surely there’s a mistake. To which I replied, I thought so at first, but she un-followed me on Instagram (this just sounds ridiculous typing it).
I thought about our communications, my support, and everything, and then the friend piped up with “Well, you know she’s getting a divorce I think.” Ahh. That’s the thing. It wasn’t me. It was my relationship, or perhaps the fear that I would see her life wasn’t as cute/cool/amazing/special/magical as she had put it out there to be. And that still actually hurt on a different level.
Let me explain. Women need to stop this comparison bullshit that threatens to tear us all apart.
Why can’t you let people see the real you? Why don’t you actually send a person a message and say hey, did I just read into something or can you explain your comment? Why is it always about saving “face” on Facebook << a.k.a. Fakebook.
I’m getting tired of the masks. On various social media platforms I have “friends” who are on both sides of the political spectrum, but only use that as a mask when it suits them to feel justified for their reactions and comments. The other times they can’t actually be bothered to go out and volunteer, show up, and be the change. Arguing on a computer screen is not change. It’s anger.
I have “friends” who post the million selfies because they don’t feel worthy…so instead of talking about that, it’s selfie time.
I have “friends” who look like they are on top of the world, but are so lonely they don’t know what to do. Because to reach out would drop the persona that is their shield.
I have “friends” who post various exercise poses, yoga poses, and other things because they want others to see them doing something good for themselves, but again, they seem a little low on self-confidence at times. I get it everyone. I do. I don’t always feel 100% either, so why can’t we talk about that with our captions and start a #bemorereal movement.
Before you hit delete, have you tried the following things with the person:
- Private message them: Hey, it’s me. Just reaching out to you because I wanted to check on you. Is everything okay?
- Call them. I think if most people’s actual phone rang, they would look at it like “WTF is that noise and where is it coming from?”
- Schedule a face-to-face. It’s amazing how people talk a big game about support, but during the last few years, they have not been putting their money where their mouth is at all. They won’t take time out of their schedule to start a conversation…but if you think it’s worth it you should definitely try.
- Show some interest. I had these folks in my life at one time who monopolized almost all of the conversations. I thought at one time they heard me, but the truth is, they did not. We were meeting to discuss their stuff and they were actually not listening to me at all. Actions speak louder than words, but if you aren’t listening, you won’t know how to act. << Are you even hearing the words that are coming out of your friends mouth?
I am too old for the parlor games. The magic shows. The masks. If you are hovering over that delete button after all of this, by all means, go forth.
It really takes more than one side to have a relationship or friendship and each party has to have some ownership as well as good boundaries. Want to think about that?
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