6 Things No One Else Controls…Except You!!
Contrary to popular opinion the world does not owe anyone anything. Yup. It’s up to us to make our own way in the world. Hypothetically, if you were to ask me for advice and blame everything that has happened to you on someone else in your family, I might give you advice you don’t want to hear. I don’t lie, and I don’t really sugar-coat. I tell you what your words are telling me.
I have talked about this before, but each of us on this earth are responsible for our own happiness…and in turn, we feel more successful when we are happy. Happiness isn’t ready-made, and we can’t be happy all of the time, but we can turn some things around that lead to unhappiness. Letting other people control things usually leads to unhappy thoughts, which in turn can lead to depression, anger, sadness, anxiety and many more feelings of unease in our own skin.
Each day we are responsible for our actions whether or not they are good or bad. I am still beating myself up over hesitating paying for a stranger to get a hair cut the other day, but that moment has passed. I hesitated because I didn’t want to offend the woman, but she said she was just checking on prices and didn’t have it on her at the moment, but would come back. We can do good things when we are prompted by our gut…but I let judgement jump in because I thought she would be offended. I made that choice for her.
Then I let my disappointment bring me down. Anytime we make poor decisions, or don’t listen to what our intuition tells us, we sometimes do the “repeat” thing in our heads. I am here to tell you that never solves a thing. Sing the Cher song backwards, because guess what? You can’t turn back time. The time is now. So let’s start now making those tiny continuous improvements that I have talked about before. <<< check that out after the article.
6 Things Only You Control:
- The Word “NO.” No is actually a complete sentence. If people are dragging you into needless arguments and are already committed to being right, why bother being part of it? No thank you. Not my circus. Not my monkeys. I love that line by the way and say it in my head lots… I add colorful modifiers sometimes in my head as well, but truth. If grown folks are trying to get you to be part of their nonsense, just say no.
- No one can steal your breath. I read an e-mail today that was condescending and blaming. The person didn’t know how to do their job so they are blaming other things. I needed to breathe. Breathing gets my head clear. Gets me to realize how young this person is. Gets me to take the higher road than I was going to take in my response. Allows me to show them why I ask other people for their opinion before I assume. It’s time to breathe and feel the air come up through your belly, expanding your lungs and then exhaling through your nose. For a count of 3 before responding. Own your breath. Don’t let them own it.
- Your reaction. “Well you made me do that!” Nope. Not buying that. No matter how hurtful someone is, or how petty, you still control your reaction and the words you use to respond. Find your breath. Remember the word no is still available, and last, walk away if you need to. It is always your choice to have higher self-control than the next person. You can be humble in this situation and show kindness as well.
- The voice in your head. It’s all you up there. Do you have it on rewind all the time? What routines are in place to clear it? Do you know where the delete button is or has it vanished? When you feel your inner voice repeating a scenario, stop it. Breathe deeply again 3 times. Replace it with an affirmation of positive self-talk. I am worthy. I am able to move past this. << By the way, you are. Forgive yourself and move forward. Journal if you need to and then close the page. It is gone. Out of your head and onto the paper. End it with “Tomorrow is a new day.”
- Your friend choice. A long time ago, there were some “popular” kids my friend thought were awesome. I didn’t. In fact, I went out of my way to avoid them and make my own friends because this particular crew was nothing but mean girls. I tried out for soccer instead of what back then was the norm. Not saying that cheering is bad, but it was the norm in the 80’s and 90’s. Girls playing soccer was not. I liked to be different. Go figure. But along the way I learned that I couldn’t make the mean girls nice, I couldn’t make them like me or hate me less, because you guessed it, if a guy from around their crowd took notice of me, I was called names. I just did my thang. You do yours my friends. Seriously. Your gut is right.
- Your present and your future. The truth is, these people don’t control how you spend the rest of your life. If you are letting them, you have to ask yourself why? Are you stuck in the past? Are you holding grudges? Are you motivated by hate or anger? What are you doing right now that is helping you move forward from this? It is time to practice forgiveness. Send that card. Say thank you. Let go. You really can move forward. It is up to you and it is your choice whether to let go or be dragged.
A few more articles to help you >>> The Process of Letting Go
>>> 20 Minutes of Anger (or tips for not Hulking out)
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