How to Accept Things As They Are.

If there is anything I have learned this past year, it is that accepting things as they are will help you with a resilience you might have lost.  A resilience to recovery quickly from difficulties is something many of us have learned; however, the past year of the Pandemic has been a test on even a monk’s nerves (I would imagine…I do know some).

One moment you can be high on life, just like good ole’ Frank sings:

That’s life
(That’s life)
That’s what all the people say
You’re riding high in April, shot down in May
But I know I’m gonna change that tune
When I’m back on top, back on top in June

I said that’s life
(That’s life)
And as funny as it may seem
Some people get their kicks
Stomping on a dream
But I don’t let it, let it get me down
Cause this fine old world, it keeps spinnin’ around

Since it is April, maybe you feel very happy, and then next month, not so much…or maybe it’s reversed.  I know that when I am having an OFF MONTH, the things that DO NOT help me are comparing myself to others.  Wallowing, even for like a day or two, might feel good, but that doesn’t actually help me at all.  It just creates an avalanche of the same type of feelings and you can really lose your mind in that cycle.

I was recently very sick…and I had convinced myself I had the “COVID”, but I took a test and it was negative.  Again, who knows anymore.  I suspect we have all had it even if the test might say negative or we haven’t had a test.  It is what it is.  So much information was thrown at us.  You could be asymptomatic and this happens.  You be be symptomatic and this happens.  You need this vaccine, wait no, we don’t want you to get that.  Get this.  Don’t get this.  Do this.  Maybe not do that actually.  I can’t imagine why anyone would go all up in their heads during this past year.  It felt a bit like Alice in Wonderland.  What was real?  I don’t know.

With so much like that all across my feed on social media platforms all over the world, I decided to do my best to accept things as they are.  So how have I coped with this?

1. I went back to square one that years ago, saved me.  Journaling.  With so much in my head, it needed a place to get out.  So I started looking at the shadow work I had to do.  You might recognize that you too need to deal with some fears and wade into the shadows.  Have no fear, you can take a flashlight or a headlamp and it will all be good.  “Dark journaling” can be seen in Carl Jung’s work of the “shadow”.  It might be a part of us that society views as unacceptable, but we really need to be brutally honest with ourselves and not push those thoughts down.  What are you pushing away right this moment that needs to be addressed?  What intuition are you ignoring for fear of it coming up?  Journal around it today.
2. Be real with yourself after this.  After acknowledging the fear that an unfortunate situation might have brought up, we start to make up easy routes out.  Don’t do that.  You are still not facing the present moment when you explain your feelings away.  People create a little world of self-delusion.  I like to pop that not only for myself, but for others who ask for my help or advice.  Life has other plans and if you don’t see things as they truly are right now, believe me, the lesson WILL repeat itself until you learn it.  Why prolong that?  You cannot allow yourself to see the reality, the facts as they actually are, not as you want them to be, and ignore the truth because you don’t like it.
3. Acceptance is a process.  Let’s say you spend 2 years ignoring the signs you need to go to the doctor.  What do you think will happen?  Does that situation get better?  No.  It actually could cause things to be worse.  So say you know you need to make an appointment for something, learning to accept it now can actually save you time and money in the long run.  Open up your mind to the possibility that things might not be as bad as you think, but you have to start somewhere.  Take a step back from what you are presented with and weigh your options.  It is okay to press pause on life for just a bit by saying you need space to think for a day or you need a self-care night.  But pushing away the reality of the situation will only make things worse, so remember to make space for what needs to come in.  If someone is always tearing you down, make space for the idea that someone new needs to come in your life…and stop seeing that person for a bit to see how you feel.  If you have a bad client who drains you, tell them that you don’t think you are the right fit, and make space for a great client to walk through your door.  You don’t have to stay where you are because it’s familiar.

Sometimes, things are just the way they are and sometimes, people won’t change just because you want them to.  If you are faced with the reality that it is simply what it is and that you have tried your best, just know that distancing yourself from things can help.  Do not punish yourself if there was a situation that you would have done anything to change, but you couldn’t really change it, because you know, free will and stuff.  If you believe in your higher power, God, Universe, source, angels or whatever you want to call it, watch for the signs that things need to change.  Do the hairs on your arms or on the back of your neck stand up when someone lies to you?  Do you get a sick feeling in your stomach when you go against your gut feeling?  Does a truth just really feel like it’s true even if you don’t want to accept it?  Like your gut is telling you to believe someone because you already had weird feelings?  All that, it is your higher power sending you signs my friend.

Trying to change reality and pushing back against truths you know will only prolong your cycle of thoughts, so start today and uncover the truth to acceptance.

Here are a few more things you can read:

• Stop Approval Seeking Behavior with these 5 Steps
• 5 Things that Cause Us to Lose Hope in Ourselves
• Accepting Yourself…Flaws and All

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