At some point in your life, you might have felt a sense of abandonment or a feeling of being unwanted.

It could come from the loss of a parent figure, or a partner leaving you when you least expected it.  Perhaps it was even friends, or extended family “giving up” on you.

One of the hardest things in these situations is to first acknowledge the feelings and know that the person who left you, was probably not even thinking about how you would feel at all, and yes, that sounds bad, but hold on a minute.  I will get to that part.

The people who just leave without a word, a trace, or seem to go into ghost mode are usually fighting their own demons and they just don’t realize how much it hurts other people when they shut others out.

I know that sounds crazy, but years later, these people show up in some way or form and they might just reach out to you then with the long-awaited apology.  But what if…that’s not the case or they don’t really ever apologize?  What then?

It often feels like they have taken you for granted.  Your love.  Your trust.  And maybe even your dreams of a life together.  You start to second guess everything you did together…and who you are now.  You might even question if you are worthy?

Feeling unwanted and unworthy can cause physical and mental pain.  It can cause you to replay a mantra, or saying, in your mind that you are not worthy and not worthy of love.  That is simply not true, so we need to heal that repeated cycle of thoughts.

How do you heal from being left out, even if it’s social situations, friendships or something that you think shouldn’t be that hard, but has become a wound?

When you are in pain, the body responds, so listen and start the healing process.  Here are 3 steps to take right now.

  1. Put yourself first for a change. Take some time for self-care routines, and start your affirmations and healing mantras to replace the ones that are not working.  “I am healing.” “I am enough.” And then begin your journal therapy process.  Trust me, you want to heal these wounds and not move on or ignore them.  Feel like you need a bit of extra help?  Try this. << Healing the Wounded Soul Workbook can be found there.  <<
  2. Do a personal inventory. What do I mean?  Take stock of the friends you have, the places you go that feel supportive, and notice if because of this situation you have cut people out.  Do not isolate yourself and if you have, start to make a list of things you love doing that you might have let slip.  Meditation. Exercise.  Art.  Music.  It all heals you.  Even reading a good book.   Make your list.  Add to your gratitude journal…and if you don’t how to do that, here is help as well.   What fills up your cup?  Start thinking about it.
  3. Take action steps. Each month, I identify something that I am personally struggling with like a thought, or an emotion and I see if it is new or old.  I then write out steps like the above.  I go to the gym, I invest in a mentor, or I take online classes.  I write and journal and then I decide if I need to make new friends, start a new thing that I haven’t tried or perhaps re-visit a relationship that I dropped the ball on.  Texting friends is great, but getting them on my calendar to see them is even better.

If you feel alone and ignored, remember, most of the time, it never was about you anyway, but that doesn’t excuse it at all.  Start looking for ways to help others, by helping yourself first.  You are whole, and you are worthy of love.  If you still feel like you need extra help, speak with a trusted friend about a counselor they see or search for one in your area.

Much love to you this holiday season.

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