6 years ago, if you decided to take a scroll through my archives here on this blog, you might be reading an entirely different type of post. One filled with anxiety, depression, and pain. I was diagnosed with yet another disease at the time, and I was in the most pain of my life. The video message can be watched after this post.
It was a dark and lonely place. My mind. The same cycle repeated itself each and every day. Get up. Groan from pain at being awake. Try to use one arm to gently move self out of bed. Feel pain in hip, arm, and then slowly, as I started becoming more awake from the dream state, feel the pain radiate out of my entire bone structure down my back…and finally, reach my skin. Yup. I was awake. Oh joy.
It was another day, and I was still here. I don’t think I was suicidal precisely. I have 2 beautiful girls, an adoring husband and a mom and dad who are still married. Heck, even my grandparents are still together and around. But the pain was almost too much to bear as I woke up from that semi-soft dream state when you can finally be pain-free even for a restless sleep. It was better than nothing, right?
I had taken my leave of absence in 2013 because the pain had become unbearable and I was a school teacher. Yup. Mrs. Happy (another story). So I don’t talk about this part of my life ever. And I have recently been asked, Aimee, how can I write if I am in pain?
Darling friends. Here is how you can do just that. I use the same journal year after year, and I write on the inside the year. I put stickers on the outside to help me find which year I am using. I recently found out my journal is currently not in production, but I want to give you an idea of the type I like to use. It will be plain. Lined inside with nice, thick paper. The kind of paper that when you open it, you sigh out loud because it is ready for you to write all your thoughts. It comes with an attached bookmark. Ready to hold your spot when you are exhausted from writing everything down. It is very sturdy and dependable.
After getting your journal, you might want to ask yourself, what am I going to write about? You can use my journaling tips here, or I can help you with a few ideas today.
The first thing that I teach my Club members, is to center and breathe. Why do I do that? After years of pain, I realized that I was holding on to my breath…tensing my body. Not being present fully because I was trapped in the pain so I had started to close off some of my emotions…some of my feelings. That is why I teach centering and grounding as part of my journal therapy. So sit quietly for a few moments and just breathe. Let go of the tension in your jaw and feel your tongue fall away from the roof of your mouth. Just breathe. You can decide things like music or not music. Wrapped up in bed, or seated at a table. But just relax.
Where do you start? With how you feel in this very moment. Just free write for a bit and see what comes out. Do this for a few days until you feel like you are ready to try something different. You don’t have to be perfect, as one of my members says to me all the time, she is glad I said it doesn’t have to be grammatically correct. No one is grading you. No one can take this moment from you. Just write.
After a few days of that type of free writing, go back and notice the words you are using. Where are you in your head right now? I teach my members to start doing something a bit different if they are in a very bad place right now, and you can try it to. I teach them to write as IF they have been healed. As IF everything they want is coming to them. As IF. I use a combination of practices that helped heal me because at the same time, I also was becoming Yoga Teacher Trained…so my combination of methods is quite different, but you can do this too. If you need help, check out my videos library on my public page. I will bookmark it here for you. << So you can save it to your bookmarks or share it.
As I began to journal As IF, I began to notice my life changing. I would like for you to hear my story now as I think you are ready for it. It has a much better ending than the beginning of this post.
Thank you for listening to my story. If you would like to learn more about my Head|Heart|Health Club, we would love to have you with us.