Private Eyes…Watching You. But are they really?

It was brought to my attention by someone.

They said…

First of all, why are other people alluding to others talking about you anyway?  Why are they ALLOWING you to be talked about and not only that, by entertaining it, they are reciprocating it.

This was the conversation we had on the page today.

Listen, I get that there are people out there who make your skin crawl, or do some hateful things behind your back.  Maybe they bring a very low vibration energy to the room like fear.  Other energy vibrations they could be experiencing that are low are jealousy and insecurity.

The most insecure person allows gossip to be reciprocated and therefore lowers the vibration of the room by spreading it and playing all around in that vibration.  It will destroy a workplace, a friendship, a relationship and your credibility.

Do I get that occasionally you have to respond to that kind of damage?  Yes.  But in a way that does not lower you to their level.  That is what we are going to go over right now.

Are people really talking about you behind your back and how do you react?

1. Is this person a friend or an accomplice? A friend is going to be someone you trust and who hopefully helps you.  An accomplice, on the other hand, is someone who helps you get in trouble.  At times, hindsight would have been great to know.  So in that case, ask yourself does the person value you and show that they value others?  If the answer feels like a no, don’t engage in conversation that can make you an accomplice, so that you become the person referred to as “I heard it from such and such.”
2. Silence doesn’t mean you agree…or does it?  Look people.  If someone is constantly saying something that makes you uncomfortable (like calling someone names), speak up.  When you don’t speak your truth, the organization, the friendship, the whatever it is you are being dragged it, has standards that are lowered.  Problems persist and fester in silence as sometimes silence means you accept.  I know that is a hard decision.  What do you ignore and what do you speak about?  Uncomfortable?  Speak up.  Someone just being catty?  You decide.
3. The best apology is changed behavior. How many times can you have the same conversation over and over again?  Well, if you are like me, 3 times without a behavior that hasn’t changed in months, means the behavior is not going to miraculously change.  You have a right to be concerned when you have brought things up to people and it falls on deaf ears.  Have you gone through the proper channels and seen no results?  What are your options in your situation?  Can you remove yourself as a last resort?  If the answer is yes, then that becomes your next right action.
4. Have you talked TO the person many times and not about them?  Interesting.  The person you are trying to help says to you things like “I was just venting to you.” But they literally called someone a moron.  That is not venting.  Ask them what they know about the person.  Chances are, they know nothing because they have never tried to form a relationship with the person and just prefer to talk ABOUT them.  Not TO them.  Interesting right?

Ground rules need to be established if you are around a toxic environment.

1. Talk to the person without bringing in the “rumored” “they told me”.  That will break any trust if you resort to that being your way to communicate with someone.
2. Tell them that if they speak negatively, you will need to walk away.  Like perhaps if they use motions like “talk to the hand” and put their hand in your face.  Most unacceptable behavior ever.
3. Let them know in no uncertain terms that failure to respect you or your boundaries is not your fault, it’s theirs.  You are entitled to want a good relationship whether it is home, work or friendship.  You are right to want others to respect your boundaries.  If they make it seem like their bad behavior is your fault, it might be time to withdraw from them for good.

Lastly, if you have been trying to make a relationship, friendship or work situation better, but you see no reciprocity, it might be time to re-evaluate where you are as you will never change another person.  You can only change your actions, so remember that.

• Your Body on Toxic People
• 7 Strategies for Dealing with Toxic People
• 5 Toxic Habits that Get in the Way of Your Happiness

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