Why we justify bad behavior (and how to stand up for yourself)

I recently wrote a post where I said I didn’t understand the use of ALL CAPS as a way of screaming at someone on social media.  Let that sink in.  If you were in person, it would literally have been someone yelling at you.  I did not type, I don’t understand older people who use all caps because they can’t see.  I did not type that they couldn’t have an opinion.  I just said I don’t understand how some people can read a friend’s post, and come at them with the energy of hate, meanness, accusation, and bullying/trolling whatever you want to call it and use all caps like they are literally screaming.

I am very confused why people feel the need to use all caps and scream at someone. This is technology. Accidents happen, yes. Comments go unread, some go missing because yes, there are FB glitches, but screaming at people in all caps is always, always unnecessary.
The energy attached to meanness, hate, spite, jealousy and more still comes through on a keyboard my friends.
I went on to talk about a chat I had done during a FB live, where if people watched it, they would have understood more, but that’s okay.  People who want to be angry and justify their anger do not want to take the time to read, pause, learn, or think about your side.  They just want to be…RIGHT.  << I yelled that, sorry.
I realize that people do not listen to understand these days, that they listen to be heard.  I get that.  But that’s not listening at all.  When we teach people that they can come at anyone, night and day, through the keyboard, however they want, I do not think that’s what our forefathers meant when they said freedom of speech.
To be clear, what it actually meant was that the first amendment, specifically, is the right to express one’s beliefs without any form of governmental interference.  But did you know that there were some categories where it is constitutionally unprotected?
  • Speech that tends to incite immediate lawlessness (hmm)
  • Obscenity and pornography in particular circumstances, such as obscenity in a children’s television show and/or child pornography
  • FIGHTING << oh interesting, words in limited circumstances
  • Offensive speech in limited circumstances

So you guys, the book of Face and such was not around back then, but it really didn’t mean you had the right to attack people.

So just to be clear, stop making excuses for people who come at others on social media.  

There are so many excuses these days.  Let the person say what they were feeling because we’re living in unprecedented times.  All the better to rise above.  Have you started seeing more anger in your feed and you think it’s because we’re being told to hunker down?  Okay, you have a choice.  Exit your social media for a bit and get outside.  Play the game of unfollow, unfollow, hide like I said in the live chat that went with my post.

Such and such (any leader of any country) has me upset right now so therefore I feel the need to attack others who do not believe the same exact opinions as myself.  That one is so over-used. When we feel like we are part of the “tribal mentality” (religion, country, ethnicity, family, etc), and that our tribe won’t accept us if we don’t act like them, it seems to change how people might act if they were face to face versus over the keyboard.  While I agree the lock-down doesn’t help, remember, just because you were born into a certain thing doesn’t mean you have stay there if it doesn’t fit who you want to become. 

Once you become an adult, 18ish is debatable, but anyway, people older than that can begin to challenge the things that might have been taught prejudices held by others in your “tribe”.  People can question others in a positive way, and hold discussions, but if you think you have to attack others publicly, even people you thought were your friends just because members of your cult, I mean tribe, might have seen it, well, stop kidding yourself.

You are using excuses to justify bad behavior and sometimes things just are what they are.  If you realize you are wrong, delete your comment, or back down.  Don’t hold to that because tribe members might have seen it.  People have started to define themselves by what they HATE and not what they love.  My word.  Many people are banning together to form a “posse” around things they dislike. 

The population has justified being a victim (of their tribal mentality) and using hurtful words as their way of being able to spout anything and everything that comes to mind, and honestly, it is not okay.

Perhaps some therapy is in order if you feel that much hate, journaling, burning some pages, and dealing with your demons before you attack others.

Let’s look at some things we can do to break free of this type of behavior. 

  1. Move on with your life, and repeat the mantra that it isn’t your circus, your monkeys, etc.  You don’t have to attend every fight you are invited to…but if you want to do that, try calling them on the phone.  I am serious.  What would you say face to face versus the computer??  Skype them.  Let’s see what happens as it works both ways.
  2. Rise above that emotion.  That flash of hate won’t last.  But maybe your friendship has survived all of the other erm elections, just hypothetically.  And now you’ve done Ba-lockayed them and hated them and thrown curses at them and years go by and the TimeHop of how happy you two were as friends comes up and you are wondering was it worth it?  To be that mad for that reason?  It probably wasn’t and you might regret it now.
  3. Agree to disagree.  Nicely you can say hey, I don’t really agree, but I love you.  I know you are a good person and you feel this way for your own personal reasons and I respect you enough to say I will always be here for you, etc.  You can stand up for your views this way without crushing them on social media in a diabolical way.
  4. Ask them for a rain check on this topic after you look up some things they posted.  But send them a PM and say hey, I want to talk about what you said because I’m interested in learning more.  Do you mind if I send you some articles I found that show a few opposite points?  If they aren’t hearing it, they are not going to change so arguing is a waste of time.

Recognize some people want to be liked, some people want to be right, some people like to be the know it all, and some people, well, they like to be the villain.  You have the right to your emotions, yes.  You have the right to an opinion, yes.  But others don’t have the right to bully, hate, yell, say whatever just because they’re in their feelings.  That is a tired old excuse and it’s time we did better.  We actually know better my friends.

Some other topics you might like:



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

error: Content is protected !!
%d bloggers like this: