I recently started talking about the lies I used to tell myself, because I found myself at a crossroads recently. Not the kind of cool Crossroads on Supernatural or anything…nope. Just the kind where I was telling myself ridiculous nonsense that hasn’t come up in a long, long time. And I realized why.
I was fighting sadness again over my partial “empty nest” syndrome, that BY THE WAY, is a real thing that is like the grief process, anyway, no one tells you these things, so read more over here if that is you, but first let’s conquer this post.
When you are mentally drained, the lies find this little chink in your armor. And they start eating away at your self-esteem, your hope, your resolve that you can actually move forward.
We start to rely on these patterns we have created that we fall back on in order to protect ourselves.
The first step is waking up one day and actually pausing your inner dialog in mid-sentence and saying “Stop it”, because then we can start to filter our thoughts in a more productive way.
Here are a few of the lies that seem to be patterns for lots of the people I work with:
- I didn’t use to be this…(insert anything from your past). The past is just that. Were you better looking, bigger, smaller, had more money, had a different circle, etc. Do you feel consumed by things like the ghosts of what could have been? Do you go back to a certain time and day and wish you had changed your choice? Don’t let your past shape your future. Just write out one thing that you know to be true right now, and then imagine if that thing you are grateful for right now hadn’t happened. Our best days, if we changed one thing, might have altered where we are right now, but our worst days have shown us who we don’t want to be. Let’s move on.
- I just don’t have the time. If I did… Here comes me pissing you off. “Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.” ~H. Jackson Brown Jr. (maybe he pissed you off and not me) That lie you tell yourself about not having time is actually, quite frankly, BS. You either WANT to do something or you don’t. I get told over and over again by many people who really will never, ever, actually show up at my yoga class at all, that if only I moved the day (I have), that they’d be there. If I did private coaching (I do) they would feel better. If they could watch it online (I have a thing called the HHH Club<< link and have tutorials online that even adapts to chair) that they would try it. 2 years later the same people are telling me they want to try it. They don’t have the time…they say.
- I need X in order to be happy (usually X is more money). So many people use money, a green piece of paper, as the reason they are not happy. That paper can be saved, and if you stopped being afraid of it, I know you won’t believe me, but you can actually have more. That’s another whole process though, but it is true. I was told the lie of “scarcity” my whole life. It caused me some issues, but I am happy to report that since I started in on dismantling this one lie, many things have changed for me. In 2015, I was gifted a course worth 3k in order to help others. I was asked to speak on stage in London and paid for it, just had to get over there myself, which was fine. I was given a check that paid some things off, and more. I then invested that check into my Club so that I could teach others how to dismantle these lies that are holding us back.
- I will eventually change this person if I do this one thing. Past love? Family member? Boss? Co-worker who gives you the cold shoulder? That is their stuff and you doing or saying the one thing won’t change that. That lie they tell is their story. What you are doing is yours. They are not changing for you. Nope. Why should you change for them? Change for you. Only you.
- It’s too late to change. I am pulling a Cher Moonstruck moment…slap. And no, we can’t turnnn back timmme either. It’s not to late to start learning something new. I will let you in on a little secret. Even though we all remember Martha Stewart kind of messed up, orange made her a bit stronger. At 41 she started doing things differently with her first book that launched her career, and then you know, once she got out of jail too. It literally could have ruined her, but it didn’t. Mr. Chicken himself was broke at 65 years old, but THEN he sold his first Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise in 1952. But anyway…you’ve got this. Write OUT what you want to go for if there were ZERO obstacles. It might surprise you.
- I didn’t have supportive folks like so many people. That person has it so easy because…fill in whatever you think. Comparison doesn’t change the fact that believe it or not, that person might be dead broke like this friend I knew who pretended to have everything and then his business fell apart, his friends stopped speaking to him because well, they were crap as they were using him for his money, and he lost his giant house. He wasn’t fun anymore like that episode of Friends with Fun Bobby…he had to stop trying to buy people and be real. Guys. Be real please. Vulnerability is the new sexy. Stop this lying to yourself.
- I need to look a certain way for people to like me. Holy FILTERS Batman. So check this out. I saw this girl I know one day post a photo without her usual filter and I wondered who the heck it was. Not funny because I have known her a while, and I don’t know why she doesn’t love herself the way she is, but then I was sad for her. LOVE yourself. Write that down. Accept yourself. And if this is hard, get help. If it’s not me and the work that I do in my Club, then reach out, but I can tell you this. Locally, everyone is always welcome in my yoga classes, no matter the size or ability and I keep my online community the same. I will be in your corner until you feel ready to step back out there as you. You don’t need to lose 5 more pounds. That soul inside you is beautiful. If you WANT to lose the 5 pounds because you are ready, for you, that’s a different thing. No one should tell you to change in order to be in a relationship, or your friend, or to come out with them or whatever.
The me from 10 years ago was a different person entirely, so if you knew me then, you might be surprised now. I am always working on the lies and only recently did I drop my guard a bit…because if it’s not these 7 lies, more might come up. I will say these 7 pretty much nailed what every client tells me they struggle with. If you would like to start working on this, let me know. Here’s my online catalog << and the number one best seller is the Head|Heart|Health Club with accountability and monthly support included. You don’t have to do this alone.