Motivational Monday…maybe

My husband had his high school reunion…well, sort of his.  Apparently, they don’t mind if you were around that year and can make it since it was Heidelberg, Germany.  No, I did not get to go to Germany.  It really would be Motivational then, but they had it close to us in Washington D.C. so off we went after securing my parents, well mostly my mom, to watch the girls and 3 dachshunds.  He was really excited to see some old classmates, but knew that it would be difficult on me for many reasons.

There was not a gluten-free option clearly available, but after looking everything up, we thought one option would be safe.  After ordering it for a pretty penny on the “set” menu, the girl told me it really wasn’t gluten-free.  They had vegetarian, but it was over pasta.  Hmm.  Ok, she said she could deconstruct it for me.  So it arrived not looking as nice as everyone’s but it tasted yummy.  The problem is that no matter what, I was screwed.  There was nice crusty bread, I didn’t touch it.  Wine, I did touch it.  And a of course, no such thing as sugar-free dessert.  But again, I knew all this going in there.  I thought I had some will power, but sadly, I am mistaken.

So later that night we went to a popular pub.  The whole time I tried to act like nothing was wrong.  Even when the server couldn’t answer my questions.  I didn’t want anyone to make a “fuss” or put anyone out or generally go into this big long explanation of how this was going to KILL me this week.  Because, after all, if you don’t need an epi pen, I have found they are less likely to be cautious.  Sigh.  My personal experience is that they are not trained, but once in a while, you do meet someone who can answer your questions.  Again, this is MY experience.

What I need to realize after all of this is that I should not be the one to feel guilty, weird, freakish, or feel the need to EXPLAIN myself.  I should NOT.  I know that it is becoming more common to find suitable food when you have autoimmune issues.  I know for a fact I am not alone…even if I feel that way.  So I am going to tell you how I feel.  I feel like crap today.  Utterly and completely like I was beaten all over, and want to throw up.  It started yesterday in the car, with the warning sign of a headache.  It got worse.  I ache in all the places that fibromyalgia flares.  My stomach has been torn up since Saturday.  And it IS completely my fault.  It is my fault for many reasons, but mostly because I want to be the same as I used to be.  I want to eat food, any food I want.  I want to look the waitress in the eye and not bat an eyelash as I order brashly off the menu and when she asks, you want everything on it?  I want to say yes!  Yes, I want everything!  And a milkshake while you’re at it.  Throw in some extra sugar.

But the thing is, I can’t.  I have a list a mile long of what I am not supposed to eat.  So when I saw the “puddin”, I should have walked away.  It is NOT on the safe list.  I don’t care if it was smack yo momma good bread puddin with Bourbon glaze.  NOT SAFE.  Walk away.  I can basically eat meat, fresh veggies, rice, and drink water.  That’s not bad.  I can still make meals work.

Bottom line, do what YOU need to do for you.  Because if you compromise for fear of “hurting someone’s feelings” you will regret it.  I do.  Now I have had all the natural supplements I can take to counteract my dumbness (see the tab up top called Vitalize You).  I am in pain and going to bed.  So motivate yourself today by NOT feeling sorry when you have to do what’s right for you.  It’s better for you in the long run.

Walk away

 

 

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