It didn’t happen to me.
The phrase people will never understand until it happens to them is accurate. Two years ago, I was assaulted by a local business owner because I ordered a gluten-free version of an item on his menu that I had ordered before. It is a small town where I live. I had been to this place numerous times before and had asked them if they could put GF symbols on the menu. They didn’t but made me something one night without the bun. I had joined in letting others know they would accommodate because stupidly I thought they were a nice little local restaurant.
The night in question took a long time to get food and it had a bun on my meal…and it wasn’t even what I ordered. I sent it back. My husband’s meal was fine. It came out again…wrong, and had…gee, a bun. When I tell you that I am allergic to gluten, it isn’t a joke. So let me back this up a bit.
Up until I was 35 years old, I could eat most things (I thought) and had drunk a beer or two in my life before (hops). I suddenly became violently ill after eating bread to the point of stomach pains, bloating that had me looking 6 months pregnant, and other things that go with that. Hops made my throat hurt, but it wasn’t as big a deal. I can live without that.
I went down my rabbit hole as most of you know on this blog if you have followed me any length of time. I looked into all things autoimmune because something had triggered a massive allergy in my body that apparently lay dormant.
I was diagnosed with so many things. At 23, Hereditary Hemochromatosis with Porphyria Cutanea Tarda, then later Epstein-Barr virus activated and fibromyalgia-like symptoms (I was diagnosed with fibro) came up. I was in pain 24/7, and then later I would be diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Thyroid and MTHFR. I had developed secondary depression…naturally, that comes from being in pain 24/7 and dis-eased. I couldn’t sleep. I barely knew what I could eat (I was allergy tested and that was a crazy story I will put here).
So, when I say that I thought I was finally on the other side of my trauma around food (I lost all joy in food and didn’t want to eat for a while or cook. I do not cook really), I decided to trust that if I told a restaurant about my allergy, I would be okay.
The owner of the local burger and alcohol establishment in town got off his bar stool and after a crazy altercation where he told me it was my fault for ordering that way and cussed at me (short version) he slapped my phone away from my hand. He had me blocked next to a table, and I had to push him out of my way in order to leave which in my state is considered self defense to leave. What he did was considered assault and in our state my gluten allergy is a registered disability.
All around town people had said this guy didn’t mean it. He was just drunk.
I had taken my family there. I recommended this place to others prior to this. And I was assaulted there for ordering food, which they serve, and in Virginia under the ADA I had been discriminated against.
When people show you who they are, please believe me, they actually DO mean it.
Two years passed and I have never entered nor would I enter, any establishment where this behavior is considered okay. My husband and I went to a local trivia night and I won a round. At the end of the night our friends who had invited us were talking about the new owners with the trivia guy (who runs his own company). He said the name of the owner, and I could feel all color drain from my face. I said that is the new owner? Yes. He showed me a photo like I didn’t know that name and the place he still ran. I told my story. The trivia guy said hmm I heard he was a good guy. I said he most assuredly was not. They told me he wasn’t really involved there…so far.
A few weeks ago, the trivia man posted on his page that he was cutting ties with this new place as a similar thing happened to him. The guy, you know Mr. Good Guy, cussed at him and called him a slur word…as well as I am sure things I was not told. There were witnesses.
I guess perhaps it would be nice to say karma really does its thing, but the bottom line is this. Believe people the first time they tell you something happened and support good people. Stop backing ugly behavior, no matter what it is, with excuses. It is unacceptable. It shouldn’t have to happen to you too.
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