I get asked questions weekly from my readers, and this week I was asked about moving on from difficult times; moreover, moving on from those who seem to “hate” us or at least want us to fail.
What you have to ask yourself is:
- Do they hate you or your success?
- Does it really matter to you?
- Do you want someone like that in your life anyway?
- Can you use their “hate” and mean ways as fuel to keep going?
- Could you learn forgiveness from their ways?
I know how difficult it is to learn lessons from those who seem out to harm us, do wrong to us, or use us. I have been there many times. One thing I have started to learn though, is that as you start to shine, get better, healthier or even happier, these people will pop up. So how do you move on?
Detaching from haters can be slow…or fast like ripping off the band-aid.
The slow process only makes things drag out, and will truly drain your energy for much longer. You know how if you have a chore to do, like say oh pay your taxes, and you wait until the last possible moment to get your receipts and tax forms in order, it just feels never ending until the day you turn it all in? That’s what this process is like when you drag you out.
Now think about how you feel when you get your taxes done and the process is over. You get money back, you don’t, or maybe you even have to pay, but at that point you just want it to be over with (maybe that’s just me, but it works here so go with it). Let’s rip off the band-aid.
How to move on from haters:
- Breathe. It sounds simple enough, but seriously, do a full round of 3 deep breaths through your nose, and then start to relax your jaw. I know you are clenched from the stress. Visualize somewhere calm you have visited before.
- Start from what you can control. This moment. This thought. Then the next. Now, can you control their words? No. Control your reaction. Learn to mentally pause, take that breath at whatever they just said. Don’t say anything right now. That is your weapon for the moment…silence.
- When the situation feels less emotional, decide if this is someone you want to give your energy to…because as difficult as it is to remember this, the more energy you put into this situation, the more you are actually giving them.
- Is this personal, in your face, or hidden behind a screen? Why do people think the screen hides them? I can’t answer that, but I can tell you that if it is through a text, private message or email, think about how you are reading it. Don’t assume they are hating on you just because you read it that way. Call them if you can to make sure.
- But if all else fails, and it seems to be an old argument, move on. I moved on from hateful, negative energy that was fueled by fear and anger. Some of the lowest energy and no matter how many times I tried to get the person to yoga, to breathe, to practice meditation, etc, their energy wasn’t going to change. I could tell. They had the same old hate in them and the same old argument came up every month. It was rough at first, but I know that I never would have treated anyone the way they treated me, and that my friends is the ultimate question. Do you want this pattern to continue?
For more on breaking the cycle, check out these posts:
- Coping When a Dysfunctional Friendship Ends
- Want to Walk Away from Drama? Here’s how.
- 5 Negative People to Avoid…and what to do if cornered.
Do you feel like you could use monthly support around draining energy? Check out the Head|Heart|Health Club.