Sleep…
When you can’t sleep, blog. It is after midnight, and both sides of my shoulders hurt. This wouldn’t be a problem if I could learn to sleep on my back, but that is uncomfortable as well. Anyway, since I am up, I will tell you about my plan. You know the old saying “If you can’t beat them, join them?”, well I don’t know who they are, but in my case, it’s my muscles. Because I am sore all the time anyway, I will start my personal training this week.
I want to sit on the couch and never move. Really. It’s a bad sign. I want to sit huddled under blankets, and keep a heating pad on my back, and read a good book. Since I want to do that, and easily could, I have decided to do the opposite. While my decision was not met with the amount of support I would have liked, it is there nonetheless. This year has been one of the hardest on me since I was told I had not one, but two rare conditions that were incurable. It is hard when you see that person who you used to be buried under layers of health issues. You do not want to wear your myriad of problems like a cloak around you for all to see, but it is there. Even if the cloak is invisible and no one realizes what you are going through, it is always present.
That being said and out-of-the-way, summer is on the horizon. This is good and bad for many reasons. I get to “rest” by playing with my girls all summer, but at the same time, I worry about sunscreen and extra phlebotomies. This new thyroid thing just adds another dimension for me to learn about. I know there are others out there like me, and even though in all my years of going to the doctor I have only seen one other person in almost 13 years of going to the same place who was having blood taken, I am sure many people are going through the same thing.
Since I am in one of my moods, I will try to end with a nice quote. I might not be able to find one that suits me tonight, but I am going to try.
“The jump is so frightening between where I am and where I want to be…because of all I may become I will close my eyes and leap!” ~Mary Anne Radmacher
Spread awesomeness:
I know that this whole situation is a huge pain (both physical and emotional). I wish that I could make it go away, both types. I know that all I can do is be there, to listen, to understand, to make you laugh and try to forget it for a while. I admire you because you don’t wear it like armor, keeping the world at arms length and wallowing in the pain. You are learning to deal with it and in doing so, becoming the person you were meant to be. I know that sounds all spiritual and hippie and shit, and I am okay with that. I believe that things come into our lives to shape us into the spiritual beings that we are meant to be. You have taken these things and learned to be kinder, empathetic, and the person that I call my friend. I like who you are, and while this pain thing is a huge obstacle, you are overcoming it each and every day just by getting up and showing up. You refuse to wallow, and that shows your strength. You will become even stronger, and you will learn to manage this like you have managed things in your past. Your strength will show your children how to be strong. We need more strong women in this world. So know that you are loved, and that I KNOW that you are stronger than any stupid illness or pain. YOU are!
Have I told you how awesome you are lately? Thank you for being there and supporting me through this. The confidence my friends have in me helps as well as finally telling my story and getting it out there:) XOXOXO a bazillion times
I like the idea of doing the personal training instead of just giving in to all the obstacles. I’m proud of you for that and for having a smile on your face every day and thankful for you listening to other people even when you have all of this going on.