Measurement…

What is the Spoon Theory anyway?

Sometimes I will have an idea for a post in mind only to find out that it didn’t want to be written that way.  That is what is going on right now.  My friend shared the “spoon theory” with me today.  If you haven’t read it, you should.  If you have any kind of disease that you live with on a daily basis or know someone who does, this will help you understand them better.  For example, you ask them to go out to dinner, or grab a drink thinking it’s harmless.  Maybe it’s come over after work and chat or do something.  Normally, it shouldn’t be a problem.  Think again.  Everything I want to do in life has a measured consequence.  Oh don’t get me wrong, I have improved my mindset and my abilities this last year dramatically.

For example, I couldn’t sleep at night for a long time due to the pain.  The pain is still there a bit, but it has improved tremendously.  I lost the desire to do anything at all after work.  I came straight home and wrapped up in a blanket after picking up my kids.  I did not have the energy to cook dinner or move off the couch for a few months.  I kept heat or ice on the joints in my back and would nap on the couch.  I would wake up to eat and go back to bed after dinner on some nights.  All of this so I could make it through work the next day.  This continued for about 8 months before I found a doctor who listened enough to test me for Hashimoto’s thyroiditis.  Throwing that in there with my herditary hemochromatosis, and the porphyria cutanea tarda (this is old news to most of you reading my blog, but I feel like my back-story is important).

I love my husband and family more than you can imagine, but for the last few months, I had to put myself first in order to get back on track.  I felt guilty and a bit out-of-touch, but I knew it was necessary.  He knew he didn’t marry June Cleaver, but I hadn’t intended on being Morticia Addams either (although I think she suits me better).  A few friends stopped asking me to do things during this time, and I was a bit more direct than usual (even though those wonderful friends told me I was fine).  I just simply ran out of spoons a long time ago, and should have told you.  I just didn’t have the words for it.  Thank you for being patient with me.

The Spoon Theory best describes how I have felt and how others like me might feel on any given day.

“The only man who behaved sensibly was my tailor; and he took my measurement anew every time he saw me, while the rest went on with their old measurements and expected them to fit me.” 

~George Bernard Shaw

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