Embrace Change: Are You Willing or Unwilling?

I am listening to a new book on Audible (that I downloaded, it’s not new) called UNFU*K Yourself. Here’s the hardcover for a great price if you want to check it out. I want to start with this particular chapter. It’s only the second one in. It has us diving into these two words. Willing– ready, eager, prepared to do something. Unwilling– not ready, not eager, not prepared (reluctant).

I am currently applying these two words to some situations in my life that I have been willing to accept. As I am listening, I am nodding along and at the part where he says, “are you willing to put up with unworkable, unsustainable relationships.” “No. I am unwilling.” That felt so powerful to me. Why do we accept less than we deserve in relationships? Why do we tolerate less than we would give? Are you expecting that the bare minimum is okay in your life? Why are we willing to put up with that?

When you are unwilling, you are no longer willing to go back the way you came. It isn’t working. It is broken and it is time to move ahead. The crazy thing is you have had to set this boundary before with someone. You told them exactly what your expectations of the relationship were or are. Over time, it has slipped again. It’s worse than before. This person was only saying yes to temporary change to pacify you.

Take a look at your life. Health. Wealth. Relationships. What are you willing to accept and what are you unwilling to accept from here on out? Gary John Bishop goes on to say only when you are unwilling to put up with the bullshit any longer will you grab your shovel and start digging. At times, there is no greater motivation to change than the unwillingness to do this any longer.

This reminds me of two situations I am currently facing, and I am unwilling to allow it to continue. He talks about how being unwilling is just as powerful as being willing. Every single time I have drawn a line in the sand (as he says) my life has improved. Sure, the part after is messy. Your brain processes thoughts. These thoughts then produce the emotions you are trying to avoid. This is why people fear change. It doesn’t always look pretty or feel good. But the end result is worth it.

Ending a relationship, friendship/work/romantic, takes work. But you know what was worse? The icky feeling of how bad it has felt while you are trying to hold on. The feeling of it not working anymore. The feeling of NOT wanting to speak to someone because you are tired of the bullshit. It’s time to grab the shovel and start doing the work.

I’d like you to make a list of what is working in your life right now. What are you willing to keep putting your energy and time into. Then make a list of what you are unwilling to pour time, energy, money or thought into. Now look at the list. As Gary says, are you willing to find a new job? Yes. Are you willing to stay in a job you hate? No. I am unwilling. Examine each item on your list. Identify any situation that is now taking up too much of your time. Frame it like that to gain clarity.

Start putting the energy into the new life and feelings you want to create. Look at your list. Think about what you have been allowing into your life. Reflect on what you really and truly did not want. You need to acknowledge that you have been unwilling to change your life. You have remained the same, allowing these situations to weigh you down. It is time to stop laying down and letting these situations walk all over your mind. YOU and only you, have the power to change.

When we finally take a look at the tolerance we have had to get here, we understand what we have been allowing. Only then do we become ready to make lasting change. That is where I am right now. He says we have to move forward without turning yourself into a victim. You put yourself here and now you can get yourself out.

To do: make the lists. Start with the first thing you need to do. Be willing to do the work that needs to get done. Start to think of things as willing and unwilling to pursue. Focus on what is important to you in your life and make the plans. Do NOT use excuses. You were never too busy to meet up with that friend. You were unwilling. You were not too busy to get to the gym. You were unwilling. The things that you prioritize you are willing to do. Admit the truth to yourself and start moving ahead.

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