When to Slam the Door Shut….

When Alexander Graham Bell was quoted saying

When one door closes another door opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.

he didn’t think about those of us who are literally trying to nail the door shut.  Like in the movies where zombies are after you…and you are trying to get away.

A few things about that.  First, I think my biggest regret is always thinking things will change in said door situation.  If they have gotten bad enough that you need the door to close, then you know it deeply in your heart.  It isn’t just a little thing usually.  It is many things that have not added up at all or don’t make sense, and to ignore them and to stay in a room where you are no longer welcome is a disservice to yourself and your integrity.

By the time you realize that door needs to close, most likely if you are like me, you are running for it.  Once we get the door shut, we need to focus on our thoughts, once again, in the present moment.  Fight or flight.

So, we decided to flee, and now comes the fight.  We either have to fight with our thoughts or perhaps there will be someone trying to get us to open that door again…much like those scary clowns with the balloons down in the gutter memes.  The problem is those people are not so clearly identified.

When do you slam the door shut and how do you know it’s time?

1. You are staying in a situation that goes against your beliefs.  This could be religious, morals, work ethic, or anything that makes you feel extremely uncomfortable.  Office politics, humor that isn’t quite right.  You know there is something off about a situation and you feel like you might crawl out of your skin if someone makes an inappropriate joke one more time.
2. You get a creepy, not quite right feeling about someone or something.  I have been in a situation where the hair on the back of my neck literally stood up when someone said a whispered comment to me.  I knew they were trying to mess with my mind and throw me off the scent of how much they lied.  I felt it down to my bones.  I immediately began planning my exit and prepping like an entire extraction team.  Salt. Check.  Holy water. Check.  Seriously though, it was not something I could ignore and do NOT tell yourself that it didn’t happen.  That’s where your mind tries to play tricks.  Your body knew.  Energy doesn’t lie. Get out.
3. You are being singled out for some reason and no one else is treated that way.  This is very real at work situations where perhaps you don’t have the same humor or feel the need to participate in office drama and gossip.  Maybe you don’t drink, and others do.  Whatever it is, be up front about it and if that doesn’t change anything, make your exit strategy.  Why stay somewhere where you are being repeatedly treated as if your choices are less than?  You are not a valuable human for having an opinion that differs from the toxic culture?  That is a reason to leave right then.  Especially if you have tried to talk to the people involved and management, friends, co-workers dismiss your feelings as not valid.  Harassment is a real thing, and you shouldn’t have to change your beliefs to fit in.  That is a definite sign there’s another door somewhere else for you.
4. You feel depressed, anxious, and your stomach hurts thinking about going to work, being around a certain person, or having to be physically near someone.  This is really a huge sign that it is time to slam that door.  Your health is the most important thing you have.  Don’t waste a second thinking “Am I imagining this?” because if you are physically ill, losing sleep and feeling mentally drained, you know it is costing you time that you will not get back.

So if you have been contemplating “Did I do the right thing?” or “Am I better off staying put?” just know this.  If it is about money, start thinking about cutting services, selling things you no longer need, carpooling with a friend, discreetly asking friends who you trust for hiring advice, and making that plan to exit the situation.  The interesting thing about finally making that decision is as soon as you do, the Universe will be like…okay.  She’s picking up what we have been showing her…it took long enough.  I was wondering how many signs she needed.  Cue the door opening!  Door creaks open right in front of you.

A few more helpful articles:

• Don’t Let the Zombie Thoughts Drag You Down
• 7 Red Flags of a Passive-Aggressive Leader
• Learning the Tools of the Pathological Liar

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