The Highly Sensitive Person and Memories (how to cope)

So my dear readers.  I have been in the mountains on a spur of the moment trip because I missed the mountains, yes, but also.  Sigh.  It’s ridiculous and only people who are empaths/highly sensitive can get this, but there is going to be some change coming so instead of hiding from it, as I would love to, I kind of bungee jump into it.

I prefer the rip the band-aid off method for some reason.  I guess slow is like the Great Pit of Carkoon (Star Wars reference) and according to C-3PO: “In its belly, you will find a new definition of pain and suffering, as you are slowly digested over a thousand years.”  So the point is, I don’t want to do that to myself, but I often do the thing…then think about it like a thousand years.

So onward to the point I need to get out today.  I LOVE people and I dislike them.  Doesn’t make much for me to go in either direction.  I have a deep love for helping people reach their true potential, but then I see some ridiculous stuff out there in the world and I think some erm, not nice thoughts.  I am normal.  I know this happens to many people.

Memories are like that as well.  You can have a great memory you love, but then come back to the present moment and remember something bad that person did, or that they aren’t here with you, or that things have changed, etc.  It is painful to be in the Pit my friends where we are doing this to ourselves.  We don’t need to digest this thought or memory for 1,000 years.

So as this *insert your cuss word of choice* year ends, I want us to heal.  Not heal a little, but heal deeply.  A kind of healing that ONLY we, by ourselves, are capable of, but that guidance helps with.  But again, you can’t go down to the Pit, and/or if you do, there better be a spring board so you can jump right on up.  (I swear I wasn’t going to go Geeky today, but…brain went there).

Climbing back up from memories can take time.  So let me do my best to help you with some things I am working on today, and things I teach both locally, and online in my Club.

1. Figure out your triggers.  Yes, that word is overused.  Why don’t I coin a new word.  Figure out your Dementors (what sucks the happiness and life from you).  Is it a certain person that you love and/or loved, but they are not physically with you?  Is it a time?  A remorse that cannot be changed?  What is it that is causing the problem for you right now?
2. Make an association/shield to go with that time, place, event, or person.  Maybe it is a word like “stop it”, a scent, a color like pink for love, and then come back to the present moment taking only love from that situation.  Send that situation love knowing you did the best you could at that time, and believe me, the first time I heard this, it took me a long time to realize the truth of this statement.  We are all doing the best we can, but work not to repeat the thing if it is causing you remorse.
3. Boundaries are always good with things like this.  Is there a time you’d rather people not bring up all the time?  Like, this is just a random example, but remember that time you were an addict?  I would hope people wouldn’t throw that in your face, but I get comments all the time on the FB page for the blog where people tell me that others in their family like to bring up their bad qualities.  Now.  I know that if you have not changed the ways, people bring it up to help others, or so they think.  But here is a good boundary idea.  If you are a person who feels like someone is lying to you, hiding things, etc and they have had a pattern of hiding what they see as their dark side, only to make you think they have changed, ask them what you can do to help them talk about their demons?  Seriously.  I would rather you tell me the truth any day of the week than lie to me.  I would rather you say I am worried I might be an alcoholic, but right now I just want to talk about it, than you pretend you don’t drink at all.
4. Have a plan and accountability.  These two go hand in hand, but most often people have a plan, but no clear accountability partner.  They fall off the wagon.  Be straight with your workout buddy, your sponsor, your friend, your partner, your family and anyone else you want to let in on what you are really struggling with.  An example might be that you want to clear some memories, but can’t bring yourself to get rid of something.  This was my problem for a very long time because I held on to everything I was given from my grandparents who are no longer with me.  I felt extraordinarily weighed down by objects at one time.  I literally, sigh, saved SO MANY cards that I had a filing cabinet drawer filled with them.  I have NO idea why.  I would read my grandparents handwriting, but only when I was trying to find more space for other things.  I would re-read a card my mom gave me, but again, it was when I was looking for things.  So I called my mom and I said.  I can’t have all this here.  I get sad, and ridiculous and why the hell can’t I throw these things away?  It makes no sense to me.  I was crying as I read a card to her.  I said You said I was a good moooooom.  Sniffle.  She goes, would you like me to say that to you again?  And I realized I did need to hear that then.  It just clicked.  I don’t know why I didn’t know that, but I guess I was worried I screwed up my kids somehow (I didn’t, it was just one of those days).  So what is something you are actually holding on to because you need to hear certain words?  Write down the words you want to hear in your journal.  Make it an affirmation for a week, then hold the object or whatever and let it go.
5. Let go of the burden.  This one.  Whew.  There’s nothing like going through your attic for a big move and/or really holding things like above, and then realizing it’s okay to let go.  Letting go doesn’t mean I don’t still love someone.  Letting go means I have let go of the need to hold on to that particular moment and feel it’s weight.  I can love someone, a moment, a place, a time, and then hopefully, remember that there are many more moments to come.  This part IS NOT EASY.  I know this.  You know this or you wouldn’t be reading this.  I can guarantee you this.  That loved one who has passed, the one you are thinking about, they want you to succeed in life and they are, and always will be, your biggest supporter from the other side just as they were here.  The loss of them does not take away the real love, or the support and they do want you to feel happy again.  They want you to be able to recall happy times and then raise your smile and say I feel you here with me, or whatever it is that helps you with this.  For me, it is making floral cemetery arrangements for my loved ones and the loved ones of others.  It is my way of honoring them.  Maybe for you, you read their favorite book, but you do it once a year.  You make their favorite recipe, another thing I love, or you meet an old friend to discuss the times, but you rip the band-aid off, do it, and then have support.

Today is my grandmother’s birthday in the heavenly realm and my best friend’s birthday here on earth.  It’s always one of those days for me, but I work very hard to just stay here in this moment and after I make the floral arrangement, I take it to her place of rest here on earth.  BUT believe me, she is doing something and it isn’t resting.  Years ago, on my grandmother’s birthday, my youngest climbed out of her crib and I didn’t know it.  I heard the worst sound from downstairs and I prayed all the way up the stairs as I ran.  The baby furniture had all the drawers out so it had started to tip (I am pretty sure we used those wall things as well to anchor, but they didn’t work all the way), and my tiny baby was sitting in a drawer while the big piece of furniture was halfway over and that drawer was no where near the others.  I won’t forget that, and I don’t often tell many people, but you needed to hear it today.

So.  Some other things you can read to help you:

• 6 Practices You Need To Start (even in grief)
• Changing Times and the Empath (3 things we need to face)
• Learning to Control Your Highly Sensitive Emotions

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