Years ago, I uttered these words to a co-worker. “Not everyone is your friend.”
Let me go ahead and explain a little bit about what was going on. My sweet Scorpio sister thought everyone liked her at work. She would make a big raucous and stand up for things (honorable and I love it), but those people and things she stood up for didn’t have her back at all. Once she was going on in front of my door about some situation and some person (I don’t honestly remember all the details, but I knew they talked about her), and she said they were her friends. I looked her square in the eye with such force (Scorpio powers unite) that I guess she was shocked because I said those people are NOT your friends. They are your co-workers and you need to learn the difference. I have heard them speak ill of you and make fun of you, and they would not have your back should you need it. Something like that.
She has never let me forget that lesson and has thanked me over the years for it. When she started taking yoga from me locally she was different…in a good way. She said “Aren’t you proud of me?” And I was and still am for the lesson wasn’t one I wanted to teach her, but it was one I knew that deep down, I would be doing her a disservice if I didn’t tell her. I remember the days after the lesson, and how different she was and how she thought more before her outbursts and then became careful who she said what to.
Years later, in yoga, with a new job, she was much better off. You see, sometimes that intuition that tells us what to say is self-esteem based. I didn’t want to see her hurt, I loved her, but I didn’t want to see her ridiculed, behind her back by the very people she might have lost her job for.
In today’s society, how much of what you see on Social Media do you think really represents the truth of someone’s life? It doesn’t. Your “friends” on the book of Face, your “followers” on Instagram, and if you are there as well, Snapchat and anywhere else, they don’t see you as a person/friend unless you make some deeper connections.
Not everyone at work, likewise, is your friend. A wolf in sheep’s clothing or perhaps just using you for information. Some people on your list might start to show their true colors early on.
How to spot them:
- They don’t really want to make plans with you, or change them all the time. A true friend should want to spend time with you outside of work, classes or what have you. It shouldn’t just be because they have no better options, right?
- They actually only talk to you when it’s convenient for them, and even though their phone is there, they don’t text you back. That is not cool…at all. If it appears to be you making all the plans and trying to get together and they can’t talk when you need them, that is a sign. Also days or weeks not answering you, but they expect you to answer them.
- They only want photos of themselves…and don’t do a lot of photos with you…or even listen to you. They really like themselves…a lot. You are just for decoration on occasion when they need you…maybe to hold the camera for them. What do their photos say about how they feel about themselves? How many friend shots and what are the captions? Like I love this girl and I am so grateful for her or what? What are the words saying to you?
- WARNING! They constantly DISH your secrets in front of other people. It is not an accident. Someone very close to me had a misunderstanding with a friend and sent her a text to talk about it, but was never responded to. A few days later she started hearing that the person she thought was her best friend had already started talking about her all over the place. Things she didn’t tell anyone else. Pretty big red flag.
- ALSO, they talk badly about everyone they know. This was another warning sign for my friend as she was always talked to and about and so were other people. Some people who gossip to you, will gossip about you.
- They demean you and joke on you in front of your other friends. This was my friend’s biggest pet peeve. She would tell me that right in front of her they made fun of her…only she wasn’t laughing. Have the self-esteem to get up, say it’s not funny, not cool nor would YOU do it to them, and walk away.
- They are NEVER happy for you. You got a raise, a new boyfriend, a new car, but they are NOT your biggest fan. Not at all. They are really jealous. They see it as a competition and want to be better or more popular than you..still, after all these years of friendship. It’s not you, it’s them. Move on.
More like this:
- Coping When a Dysfunctional Friendship Ends
- How to Recover from being Lied to
- Want to Walk Away from Drama? Here’s how.