Never Would I Ever…

It was dark.  Not dark like the lights were out, but a kind of darkness that permeates your bones…your very soul.  It was almost like someone was trying to suffocate me…the real me, and I didn’t like the one that was left.  Maybe suffocate is too strong a word, but truth be told, it felt like I was dying so why not use that word.

In the time before I was healed, I was walking around in a dream state.  Never really feeling complete, and not really understanding why.  Crying at night…during the day…well most anytime to be honest because the pain was 24/7 for 5 years straight.  When I had visited that last doctor, heard those last words, yes, you will live in pain forever…sorry (and maybe he really was) I was numb.  Everything I was had been stripped away from me at that moment.  EXCEPT for HOPE.  I know right?  How could I still even have one little kernel of faith?  Because I knew that I was stronger that this.

So when you live with invisible diseases, there is power in words.  Some of you will be mad at me right this moment, but I want you to know that I really do hope you hear me out.  I want those of you with even a kernel of hope or faith to really place that here and just breathe deeply right now as you read.  Place all blame away from your soul.  Place anger on a shelf.  Part with your sadness and pain and just breathe with me.  As I breathe with you.  We are one.  I understand.  I want you to take the word never out of your vocabulary this month.  Yup.   Take it away from your thoughts.

I want you to come on a journey with me as if you are healing right this very minute, and I want you to share no more memes of what you cannot do this month.  No more stories of how difficult it is (again this is the part I want you to breathe with me through).  I want you to make a list of the things you want to do again.  Even if it seems simple.  Even if you are pissed off (again breathe) because the world, a doctor, a friend, or someone else doesn’t get where you are right now.  I want you to think about where you want to be.  What do you want life to look like 3 months from now?  A year from now?  Where do you see yourself going?

When I was in my dark place…being suffocated by NEVER thoughts, more never thoughts only prolonged my suffering and pain.  They all enjoyed a big dog pile.  Continuing to beat me down.  When I walked out of that last doctor’s office after being told I had one more disease to add to the pile of suffocating thoughts, I realized that the only person left to help me, was in fact, me.  I also asked my higher power for assistance, and to be shown things that would actually help guide me on my journey.  Many of you know that I left all invisible disease groups and unfollowed anything that would potentially threaten to suffocate me further. 

I started my own path to healing through a combination of my own journal therapy, yoga, meditation, mindfulness and nutrition.  I used only all-natural products for everything, and refused to go down a path that didn’t feel right to my soul.  I am not saying that is going to be your path, but I am saying that it is okay to get a second opinion.  It is right to want to make sure it 100 percent feels right to you.  If someone says to you this NEVER can work…well, I hope you ask why and get more opinions on what feels right for you and what you are going through.

Here are some of my earlier posts for those of you who are new to my blog and don’t know me very well:

All of what I went through inspired me to teach others a better way to live.  A way to work though this without feeling like there was so much we couldn’t do.  A way to move forward and start really changing our lives.  That was why I developed the Head|Heart|Health Club and why I continue to work towards what we can do instead of what holds us back.  I would love to have you join us this month as we work towards what we can do, but only if you are ready and willing to move forward with what you CAN do. 


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