Invisible talons…

I am pissed off.  If this isn’t a mood you want to read about, then move along until I write something nice.  The claws of my invisible diseases reach far and wide.  If I am starting to recover from one of their attacks, they must sense it.  I was starting to feel better from my hip pain, so I had an intense migraine the other day that made me sick.  I saw my chiropractor yesterday, and he told me to use my laptop differently.  I am tightening up my neck muscles.  The truth is, they are always tight, but I’m not helping.  So I said okay.  I started to feel better last night, but recovering from a headache that strong is no fun.

This morning, sometime around 6 o’clock, I woke up in a sweat.  My entire body was on fire.  I felt the sweat pop out on my forehead as I raised my head.  Everything began to swim in front of me and I thought I would get sick.  I put my head back down.  I can’t do this again.  Not again.  Please God, not again.  I called for my husband and only got out the word sick, and asked for a cold rag.  I couldn’t tell him yet until I was sure.  An hour later, my daughter tried to come in the room.  I couldn’t sit up.  I’m sick, I said, sorry sweetie.  She knows what to do.

When she left, I tried to sit up again and found the room spinning again, and I made it to the toilet in time.  Please God.  Not again.  I can’t take days of this again.  Please.  My stomach lurched.  You know what I was doing…I don’t need to tell you.  After that, I made it back to the bed and told my husband vertigo had returned.  I hope it’s only for a day.  So if you pray, think kind thoughts please.  If you are one of my friends, of which only 3 usually call to check on me to be honest, I’ll get back with you later.

I am tired of this.  Beyond tired of this.  17 years tired of this.  If my skin wasn’t trying to blister, my urine wasn’t the color of port wine, the iron trying to rust over my organs, food trying to attack me, my joints swelling up, a cancer scare, vertigo, pain, and headaches, I don’t know what kind of person I would have been.  I am only saying this to get it out.  I realize there are worse things, I do.  If you are currently fighting off the claws of some disease, you understand this.  I just needed to say it.



3 thoughts on “Invisible talons…

  1. I can totally relate . Maybe not 17 years but mostly all the same . I wish it passes quickly . Or at least the worst of it passes quickly ! Sometimes I pray just for part of it to go away! I do have a question for u . How does your vertigo relate to HH ? I also have vertigo and mieneres disease . Was diagnosised with this first . Is there a correlation I am unaware of ? Always searching for more info … Or more ” things folks like me have in common even if not in a text book” . My migraines and joints get the best of me .. But lately my stomach is pretty bad as well. Tmi I know . This illness gets old . You look fine on the outside ( maybe super tan or maybe pale as hell from treatment ) but it can be quit painful and miserable . And often people can not appreciate what they cannot experience . Although you post was sad , I felt like I was reading my own thoughts . Especially the part of your child knowing what to do . Breaks my heart . I grow tired of my kids knowing I am going thru stuff yet again. And it always has the best timing . Tomorrow will be a better day.

    1. Well, I could go into a really long response, but I want to help you understand the HH connection. Hereditary Hemochromatosis is a genetic disease that causes the body to absorb and store iron…in all the wrong places. Every red blood cell contains iron, but people who store twice as much have many complications of which the doctors are just really learning more about. I found this paper written by a man in one of my groups, and he has been researching for 30 years:

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