6 Things No One Else Controls…Except You!!

Contrary to popular opinion the world does not owe anyone anything.  Yup.  It’s up to us to make our own way in the world.  Hypothetically, if you were to ask me for advice and blame everything that has happened to you on someone else in your family, I might give you advice you don’t want to hear.  I don’t lie, and I don’t really sugar-coat.  I tell you what your words are telling me.

I have talked about this before, but each of us on this earth are responsible for our own happiness…and in turn, we feel more successful when we are happy.  Happiness isn’t ready-made, and we can’t be happy all of the time, but we can turn some things around that lead to unhappiness.  Letting other people control things usually leads to unhappy thoughts, which in turn can lead to depression, anger, sadness, anxiety and many more feelings of unease in our own skin.

Each day we are responsible for our actions whether or not they are good or bad.  I am still beating myself up over hesitating paying for a stranger to get a hair cut the other day, but that moment has passed.  I hesitated because I didn’t want to offend the woman, but she said she was just checking on prices and didn’t have it on her at the moment, but would come back.  We can do good things when we are prompted by our gut…but I let judgement jump in because I thought she would be offended.  I made that choice for her.

Then I let my disappointment bring me down.  Anytime we make poor decisions, or don’t listen to what our intuition tells us, we sometimes do the “repeat” thing in our heads.  I am here to tell you that never solves a thing.  Sing the Cher song backwards, because guess what?  You can’t turn back time.  The time is now.  So let’s start now making those tiny continuous improvements that I have talked about before.   <<< check that out after the article.

6 Things Only You Control:

  1. The Word “NO.”  No is actually a complete sentence.  If people are dragging you into needless arguments and are already committed to being right, why bother being part of it?  No thank you.  Not my circus.  Not my monkeys. I love that line by the way and say it in my head lots… I add colorful modifiers sometimes in my head as well, but truth.  If grown folks are trying to get you to be part of their nonsense, just say no.
  2. No one can steal your breath.  I read an e-mail today that was condescending and blaming.  The person didn’t know how to do their job so they are blaming other things.  I needed to breathe.  Breathing gets my head clear.  Gets me to realize how young this person is.  Gets me to take the higher road than I was going to take in my response.  Allows me to show them why I ask other people for their opinion before I assume.  It’s time to breathe and feel the air come up through your belly, expanding your lungs and then exhaling through your nose.  For a count of 3 before responding.  Own your breath.  Don’t let them own it.
  3. Your reaction.  “Well you made me do that!”  Nope.  Not buying that.  No matter how hurtful someone is, or how petty, you still control your reaction and the words you use to respond.  Find your breath.  Remember the word no is still available, and last, walk away if you need to.  It is always your choice to have higher self-control than the next person.  You can be humble in this situation and show kindness as well.
  4. The voice in your head.  It’s all you up there.  Do you have it on rewind all the time?  What routines are in place to clear it?  Do you know where the delete button is or has it vanished?  When you feel your inner voice repeating a scenario, stop it.  Breathe deeply again 3 times.  Replace it with an affirmation of positive self-talk.  I am worthy.  I am able to move past this.  << By the way, you are.  Forgive yourself and move forward.  Journal if you need to and then close the page.  It is gone.  Out of your head and onto the paper.  End it with “Tomorrow is a new day.”
  5. Your friend choice.  A long time ago, there were some “popular” kids my friend thought were awesome.  I didn’t.  In fact, I went out of my way to avoid them and make my own friends because this particular crew was nothing but mean girls.  I tried out for soccer instead of what back then was the norm.  Not saying that cheering is bad, but it was the norm in the 80’s and 90’s.  Girls playing soccer was not.  I liked to be different.  Go figure.  But along the way I learned that I couldn’t make the mean girls nice, I couldn’t make them like me or hate me less, because you guessed it, if a guy from around their crowd took notice of me, I was called names.  I just did my thang.  You do yours my friends.  Seriously.  Your gut is right.
  6. Your present and your future.  The truth is, these people don’t control how you spend the rest of your life.  If you are letting them, you have to ask yourself why?  Are you stuck in the past?  Are you holding grudges?  Are you motivated by hate or anger?  What are you doing right now that is helping you move forward from this?  It is time to practice forgiveness.  Send that card.  Say thank you.  Let go.  You really can move forward.  It is up to you and it is your choice whether to let go or be dragged.

A few more articles to help you >>>  The Process of Letting Go

>>>   20 Minutes of Anger (or tips for not Hulking out)

Do you need help making progress?  Try 4 Weeks to Wellness.  There is currently a flash sale on the bonus!

mind

7 Ways to Notice Someone is Lying

I started this new thing where I ask my readers questions and today’s question really got people going.  Today was about “Lies of Omission”.  Basically someone omits an important detail from a statement; therefore, they are not telling the whole truth.  Sometimes people seem to think these are okay, because they are emitting something…sadly, that is not the case.

The thing is, the truth will come out in the end, and it really does take less effort.  I read an article recently that said telling lies takes longer than telling the truth.  How can we spot the lies?

7 Ways to Notice if Someone is Lying:

  1. The face always tells everything I need to know.  There are some people who try to mask this, but I seem to pick up on certain cues.  For just a second, I can see the person pause, frown, look happy, look sad, or seem to consider their move.  Sometimes its minimal.  Eyebrows, frown lines, etc and then its gone.  Poof.  Like half-a-second.  So I keep watching.
  2. Inconsistencies in their story.  Ahem.  Cough.  Someone is making headlines about that right now.  If you listen to the story and you think, even for a second, something doesn’t sound right here.  You are probably right.  Say, you know, being robbed as an Olympic swimmer.  There are lots of things that don’t always add up, and the truth is hidden under there.  Somewhere.  Listen closely.
  3. Prolonging eye contact during part of the story.  We have always heard the opposite is true, but a new study says that people who really want you to believe something don’t break eye contact.  Interesting.  They are trying hard to convince you that they are honest.  Apparently honest people do break eye contact.  Instead of staring you down.  Like they are using a Jedi mind control trick to hold you there.  Hmm.  Very interesting.
  4. Ask them the unexpected question.  I had a friend who perpetually lied to me about everything in the universe.  Yes.  I knew.  <<< see the blog post about creating distance from these types or this one here about boundaries.  Anyway, whenever I asked unexpected questions, there was silence.  Long pauses and lots of umm, ahh you know.  It was the same thing every time.  No real answer at all.
  5. Check for bad habits to come out.  Excessive lip licking.  Looking down.  Biting nails.  Fidgeting.  Habitual liars still don’t realize they have signs like these that come out.  When a person lies, it actually causes stress on the body and beings out these signs…even running to the bathroom as their stomach hurts.
  6. Saying they are honest as their voice changes tone.  I’m telling you what, the fish was 6 feet, no 7 feet long.  I SWEAR!  I am telling the TRUTH on this one.  Insert other lies here, and listen for the change of tone or the affirmation of honesty.
  7. It’s beginning to sound too familiar or too many details that seem odd are being told.  I would get told over and over well I didn’t know anything about it.  I wasn’t even there.  Yet the person’s friend would tell me she was there, and did know and helped with the details, etc.  Whatever.  If you get to the point where it is the same old thing over and over and you got better things to do than listen to this tall tale, jump over here and have a read at this post. Maybe it is time to nourish a new relationship.  Or build a strong friendship with these 3 tips.

Whatever is going on, chances are, if you are reading this, you might suspect someone is lying to you…more than once.  Remember, your self-esteem isn’t hurting, it’s theirs for lying to you.  We should all be able to look one another in the eye and be honest without fear.  Depending on the person’s motives, it could be they feel you won’t like them or perhaps they are using the lies in a far more hurtful way.  Whatever the case, encourage them to talk to a counselor because sometimes it’s better to have a professional navigate through that than for you to constantly feel caught in this deception.  It will only bring you down. 

Right or easy?

How I used My Empath Abilities to Heal

The articles I write on my Empath abilities are extremely personal to me.  If you find the linked article taken from my blog, please let me know.

Healing is one of the most difficult paths we might ever walk.  Cancer patients would agree with me I know.  Whatever it is you are struggling with, pain, disease, depression, anxiety, all leads us to a type of physical and mental anguish that sometimes we hide from the world.  I should know.  I was once known as Mrs. Happy.

I began to notice at a young age that I knew when people were just saying things to say them.  I knew when people were not honest.  When people said they were happy and weren’t really.  When people were suffering from an “affliction” of some sort.  Honestly, I wish I could tell you exactly what this sort of things feels like.  But I can’t.  It’s just this vibration of “not truth” that waves out around them.  That doesn’t even explain it well.  But imagine the thought bubbles popping up over someone’s head telling you exactly what they are really thinking.  Would you really want to know?  I didn’t.

As you can imagine, this type of thing leads to people not liking you.  They think you are a know it all, braggart or whatever when you are simply more aware of the truth than sometimes even they are.  But how does this bring me to my healing path?

The “knowing” led me to go to the doctor when I was only 22 years old and get tests run.  This “knowing” or intuition, was so deep that when doctors said something that wasn’t true or couldn’t possibly be it, I would either lead them to what was true, or seek out another doctor who would run the test I wanted.

It can be very frustrating when doctors don’t listen to you.  They thought I had just become certified in “Google” and was thinking I was a doctor myself.  But here’s the interesting thing.  I didn’t even know where to look for what was going on in my body, I just KNEW something wasn’t right.  I would close my eyes before I researched, take deep breaths, and start digging.

As soon as the right information became available, I immediately knew.  Extremely strong feelings washed over me and I felt like I had uncovered another puzzle piece.  Each and every time, I trusted myself, I became more whole again.  I started healing.  The path around me lit up more brightly.  And whispered to my soul “keep going”.

When I was not on the right path, or started second guessing myself due to doctors, I felt like I had a machete in my hand whacking away at weeds and briars, pulling some sort of Romancing the Stone Michael Douglas move in the rain forest of my life.  I would look back at how far I had come and know that I couldn’t go back.  I had to keep moving forward. 

So here I was on this path and no one understood it but me.  It was my path, and mine alone to make.  I learned to rely only on my own abilities, intuition and grit to move forward.  And I sure as hell was not going to give up no matter how hard it was, or how many mudslides I encountered that seemingly led me nowhere, but in fact, were part of the process that led me to new discoveries along the way.

How Can You Do the Same?

  1. Listen to that small inner guide, your inner wild woman, and don’t ever shush her.  She has some important things to tell you, and if you listen, you will know that she is guiding you on the right path.
  2. Just BE still.  I never discount that I am being guided by something higher.  In the Bible there is a passage that says “Be still, and know that I am God.”  For many years, I was made to feel that using my empath guide was wrong.  I was not worthy.  But wait.  What if I am worthy?  What if I was called to do this work and all these years I was squashing it because of some religious beliefs?  You can call your inner guide whatever you want.  Just listen to it without guilt.
  3. Learn to be open to possibilities.  I now take my stillness as time to connect and see things in the way I am being led.  I do a combination of prayer, meditation, and affirmations.  More often I am seeing this creep into my everyday life as something that I know I must do to get clear on my path.
  4. Reflect daily.  You MUST use a journal of some sort even if you say to yourself that you don’t like to write.  It is pen to paper.  You still your mind and breathe.  Then go with the flow of the pen.  This is very important as you move from thinking actively to feeling.  The thoughts just flow into your journal and before you know it, you might find what is blocking you written there on the vanilla paper.
  5. Let goThis one is the hardest one, I know.  Once you have done all that you can to work towards releasing your pain, to healing whatever it is that’s either physically or mentally causing you anguish, you have to release it.  No guilt.  No remorse. You have done the work.

I truly hope this helps you get clarity on something you are working towards.  If you are interested in doing more work, as a type of self-guided course, please feel free to visit my 4 Weeks to Wellness course.  You have to be willing to do the work for yourself in order for something to change in your life.  If you listen closely to your intuition as you work towards healing, you will find you already know what to do.  My course is merely a guide to help you uncover what you already know.  Hugsxx ~Aimee

Life choices

Stop Approval Seeking Behavior With These 5 Steps

Take 3 deep breaths.  Think back on your childhood and things you did to get attention.  Were they good behaviors to be seen as the good child or were they naughty actions to be seen as someone who needed to be scolded and constantly reminded to try better?  No matter which route you took, or even a combination, you were probably trying to win approval from the adults around you.  Depending on the reactions you got, it further reinforced this behavior.

I am going to be honest, as a child, I don’t know if I just liked the bad route or if I got used to being told “Stop that Aimee.  Go to your room.”  But I probably thought that was my name for a while.  Gotoyourroom.  <<< my name.  So I got used to lots of alone time and introspection.  Not a bad thing, really, but I did want to fit in as I got older.

Apparently, we have been wired since before time, seriously, to be a “pack” or a group.  It used to be linked to survival just like in animals, but times have changed.  We aren’t trying to forage in the cold wilderness and seek shelter.  We have evolved; however, someone forgot to tell us that.  We are still seeking that pack acceptance…the need to fit in.

At home we want our parents, siblings, and relatives to like us.  We genuinely want to have love and with love, we feel like we have to have that approval.  That doting grandma beaming at our accomplishments creating the shrine to how great we are.  Saving that last bite of special cake for us.  This does not always happen.  Ha.  Sometimes, we are the black sheep.  Baaaa.

At work we want our co-workers to give us high-fives in the hallway.  Our boss to nod at us in respect and say things like “You saved the x account today.  Single handed.  It was all you.”  You want that Elle Woods moment in the court room where everyone thought you weren’t paying attention, but you were smarter than you looked.  But the truth is, sometimes your life is more like Friends where Chandler has worked at his office for years and not a soul knows what he does.

You ask yourself questions each and every night like:

  • Will I still be liked if I am 15 pounds heavier?
  • What if I don’t wear the exact right outfit to work tomorrow?  Will they laugh at me?
  • What if I stand up and say no to something that is wrong with this policy at work?  Will I get fired?
  • What if I answer truthfully because I am really tired of how I have been treated…will I still have love/respect/a place in this world?
  • What if I was honest?

You, my friend, are creating the pressure for yourself.

5 Steps to Stop Seeking the Approval of Others:

  1. Firstly, what is it you actually want out of the relationship?  Ask yourself what the end goal is and if you seeking approval is going to produce that or help you in any way.  The answer might even surprise you.  Journal it right now.  You can do this in a variety of ways.  Put the desired result in the middle of a bubble and your actions all around it that will produce the result, or just write about it.
  2. Identify what emotion or result you were seeking from the above exercise.  If the answer is acceptance, ask yourself if you fully accept yourself right now as you are.  Faults and all.  If the answer is love, take a good hard look in the mirror.  Are you worthy of love?  Of course you are.  No past mistakes are bad enough that you are not worthy of loving yourself.  Your subconscious is likely remembering language from your childhood.  “Why are you always bad?”  “You aren’t good enough…”  “Why can’t you be more like so and so.”  <<< So and so is now in jail.  Or has had a rough life because everyone thought they were so great.  It’s time we move our inner child past these experiences with some loving kindness to ourselves.  You can heal these wounds by noticing every time you think these thoughts and allowing yourself to replace them with the mantra “I am worthy of love.  I am enough.”  Write this in your journal.
  3. Take baby steps.  In any good program they say things like “Well, it took you 9 months to gain that weight…” or whatever, but we forget the months and expect immediate results.  When I deal with clients who are in a rush, I watch their language.  What they are willing to change and work on right now without expecting to change over night always tells me more about themselves than they realize.  Are they being honest with themselves?  Are they willing to do the work?  <<< 2 great questions to ask yourself.  Don’t attach yourself to a certain place, friend, job, promotion etc. without seeing all the steps it takes to make it work.  Your self-worth is also not tied up in the fact that sometimes things simply don’t work out.  Not trying to throw anyone under the bus, but take teacher of the year.  It was not ever based on merit in my school district.  One lady won because she was not actually at work all year.  True story.  She was ill, and people were glad she was better.  While I get this, truly I do, other people were so wrapped up in winning that they talked about this for months.  It was never in your control.  Period.  Let. It. Go. Be like Elsa.
  4. On that note, learn to take rejection.  Things happen.  Let’s think back to the first time you faced rejection.  Hmmm.  I got it.  My school team (back then it was called Olympics of the Mind), came really close to winning the top prize and going to state, which was a big deal to my 5th grade self.  Sadly, we lost.  But we all had a great deal of fun and our performance was very unique.  We got to work together on the props and I made new friends.  I still talk to those people today…some x number of years I won’t name later.  Fast forward to being observed as a teacher.  UGH.  I could not stand it because there were so many factors out of my control.  Would x kid act like his lost his mind today?  Definitely.  Would such and such say something embarrassing?  Yes.  Always.  But what could I control?  Me.  Myself.  And I.  I would visualize the lesson going perfectly, having the correct responses, and being prepared.  Sometimes it worked…sometimes I had to say you know what?  I will try again tomorrow.  <<< always remember you can try again.  Something better might be coming from that rejection and you never even saw it coming.
  5. Lastly, remember you are always learning.  Focus on you and only you.  Learn to be like the cool new Michael Phelps meme out there.  It looks like this:Micheal_phelpsBut it says winners focus on winning.  Losers focus on winners.  Or something like that:)  I know many, many people who are constantly checking on what others are doing.  Do you think the people out there doing things are thinking about them?  Nope.  Have a “growth mindset” where you know you have some things to learn, but looking at other people and where they are is not going to help you.  Only focus on you and your path.

powerWant to work with me on changing yourself in a self-guided course?  More on that here.

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How to Detach from Someone With Love

Love.  It can be a great and powerful thing, but when you get your heart broken, it can seem as if you don’t recognize yourself anymore.  Sometimes, we lose ourselves in a relationship and that my friends, is not a good thing.

However, sometimes we can also detach and realize we don’t need to be with that person 24/7 and declare our undying love and faith to this person every single day on social media.  Moreover, we can actually do things that are different and freely be able to let go with love and trust in your heart…and know that they are going to come back.  Both of these situations are different, yet they require the same kind of actions.

This line has always spoken to me:  “Let there be spaces in your togetherness,” said Khalil Gibran. “And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.”

How to detach emotionally from someone:

  1. Do a serious mental check and see if you have your own source of happiness.  << link to the formula  I love the meme of the little guy carrying the jar of happiness.  When his friend asks him where he got that with wide eyes, he says “I made it myself.”  BOOM!  This is such truth in this tiny cartoon.  jar of happinessNote:  I do not know who drew this and have looked everywhere or it would be a link to you.  Mystery artist.
  2. Take a huge breath!  Yes, just breathe.  <<< link to creating that space you need.  Listen to your inner guide.  How long have you been thinking that you are clingy, losing yourself, or jealous?  Have you thought those things?  Do you instinctively know that you need a “break” from someone, but are afraid of the alternative.  Really start to trust your inner guide in this situation.  You can press the pause button and still be okay.  It happens in relationships.  It helps you get through the rough times when you see that there are mistakes being made, and you can actually own those mistakes.  It shows that you can admit when you are wrong.
  3. You have absolutely zero, that’s right, zero control over someone else.  No matter what you would like to believe, you are not the man behind the curtain.  In fact, you are more likely to be the Wicked Witch if you think you can control a relationship.  Free your mind…and the rest will follow.  Wait, that’s a song.  I want you to listen to that.  Seriously.  Listen to En Vogue a minute.  Now back to this.  Sometimes people wear clothes that you might not approve of, speak their mind, or do other things that make YOU think a certain way.  It doesn’t necessarily mean that was their intention.  Ask them.
  4. Pain is temporary, but being in a relationship that isn’t working can last a long time and really cause more harm than good.  You are not defined by their actions and it can be really hard to understand that you didn’t do anything wrong.  Focus on loving them enough to let them go if it’s not working and work on healing for you and you alone.  Start creating that jar of happiness and keep on adding to it.  Surround yourself with supportive people as you make this move to detach.

Detachment with love, instead of pain, regret, hate and malice is so much better for our higher good and spiritual healing.  Raising your vibration to love helps you heal faster and shows you the way to go for yourself.  You are not doing this for anyone else, remember that.  YOU control your happiness.  You.

Strength

 

How Decluttering Your Life Helps You Move Forward

Did you know that when you are surrounded by more things than you can manage, it sends your brain a visual message that your life is out of control?  That was part of the research I did for my clients in week 3 of my 4 Weeks to Wellness program.  I asked my clients to pick 5 areas of life and work to organize it in a better and more beneficial way for them.  Clutter really and truly gets in the way of living the life you want to live.

What are some areas that you could declutter right now?

  • E-mail
  • Phone contacts
  • Texts
  • Social Media
  • Bedroom
  • Closets
  • Kids area (they need to be involved in the process)
  • Kitchen drawers
  • Garage
  • Office
  • Files

The list can and does, go on and on.  But how do we let go of these things that truly can be getting in the way?  The best way to do this is one small step at a time.  I admit I tend to be really overzealous once I start a project, but starting small is best.  For example, not the whole kitchen.  One drawer.  Then move on to the next, and the next.  One area of the garage (we do this and then it gets ridiculous again, so it’s time to do it again).  This is a life-long process of letting go.  It is also cyclical.  When someone you loves passes on, sometimes you have the monumental task of trying to get rid of things while dealing with your grief.

I want you to wait until your grief has lessened a bit as I know how hard it is.  I have held on to things for over 20 years because they were my grandparents.  I hope it doesn’t take you as long as it took me to realize that my grandparents were really and truly okay with me letting go of some things.  All they wanted for me was love and happiness.  It was a relief to not feel guilt about letting some furniture go.  You too can do this.

How to declutter your life:

  1. Determine why you still have it.  Does it have value and add to your life?  Do you still love it?  Does it even work? This is going to help you with your work.
  2. Sort it out.  Love/keep.  Donate.  Store.  <<< Don’t put everything into storage and do what my parents did.  I went out into my garage one day and found everything from my childhood in boxes.  Nice move dad.  Tinker toys from the 70’s are probably some sort of choking hazard now.
  3. Focus on ONE thing at a time.  One area.  Don’t pull a me.  I tend to need help from my kids when I start this process as I put everything back in its place and realize that THAT room, then needs to be done.  No!  One area at a time.  One.  Ohmm.  I see no other junk in my daughter’s room as I take her shoes back to her overflowing closet.  Where she hides things. and then I want to throw everything out of her closet.
  4. Take the stuff immediately to the donation center or schedule them to pick it up. <<< this is the part that makes me mad.  If I still see it, it bothers me.  Seriously, why did we go to all that trouble and I let a friend talk me into taking things to a consignment store, where I know I don’t have the energy to keep sorting these items into the best things ever to “sell” because they pick apart what I take.  Bad ju-ju for me.  Not worth it.  But if you like to sell, by all means go for it!!  Side note: the only thing I do have patience for in this area is my favorite book store where I get tons of credit to get new precious lovelies and take home and read.  I have taught my girls this process and every summer we cull the books, tons of them and get new books to read all summer.  I feel very successful when I do this.  I feel unsuccessful trying to consign because if it has one spot or dog hair on it, I get a no.  I have 3 long-haired dogs y’all.  Word.

This is a never-ending process and we must all be vigilant or it will start to creep up on us again.  I know you can go forth and sort!  And believe me, you will feel much better after reclaiming your energy from clutter.  If it doesn’t bring you immense joy, release it! 

soul

5 Great Foods to Boost Your Mood

For those of you who have read my about me page, you know that I have been researching and improving my health for over 18 years.  Last year I completed a sports nutrition certification and realized, yet again, how many of the health issues we face today can be altered and slowly improved with just the right tweak in our diets.  I believed so much in it, that in just 1 year, I had completely turned my life around from removing the foods that were causing me pain and “flare-ups” of my diseases.  Depression was not going to get me once I identified what foods made me worse.

So today, I was minding my own business gathering ingredients for a nice big salad, when a processed food display jumped right up and tried to grab me.  <<< not really, but it almost did.  Chocolate is my weakness.  But this chocolate was on something that is a known flare for me and causes me to crash so much right after eating it I feel like I can’t move.  I become that tired.  So I knew what I had to do and I want to help you do the same.  Let’s grab some of these great foods instead!

5 Great Foods to Boost Your Mood:

  1. Go bananas <<< technically I linked to my favorite dry snack, but I love this version of dried bananas.  So what do these yellow fruits help us with?  Bananas employ mood-lifting power, with their combination of vitamins B6, A, and C; fiber; tryptophan; potassium; phosphorous; iron; protein; and healthy carbohydrates.  What happens in the body?  You get a quick boost from the fructose as well as sustaining energy from the fiber, which helps prevent a blood sugar spike and ensuing drop in energy as well as mood.  Mind you, this is natural and not some made up thing like “high fructose corn syrup”.  <<< icky for autoimmune responses…well just plain bad honestly. So I always stay away from that.  At our house, we tend to use bananas in smoothies, but if they have been there and are ripe, I will actually cut them up and put them in the freezer for later use as “banana cubes” in my blender.
  2. Sunflower seeds (or butter) <<< I love this stuff times 10.  I was doing research a few years ago on a theory I had that my prior acid-blocking supplements (completely weaned myself off them using natural remedy) were causing an issue with my magnesium levels.  Why is this important?  Magnesium, in addition to regulating mood, is vital for many body functions to operate normally. Magnesium deficiency can be responsible for feelings of fatigue, nervousness, and anxiety (triggers increase in adrenaline), and it’s been linked to various mood disorders. However, stable magnesium levels can help the body and mind achieve a calm and relaxed state.  Some scientific studies have shown magnesium supplementation to be beneficial in treating major depression, suicidal tendencies, anxiety, irritability, and insomnia.  Boom!  There it was yet again.  That feeling to go down the right path and unravel the mess my doctors, no offense to anyone, had caused in my gut.
  3. Dark chocolate is the bomb dot come in my world.  <<< the one linked I often see in my grocery store as a savior if I am desperate to have something chocolate.  I have to read all ingredients, but this one is safe for me.  The organic cacao powder is my go-to for smoothies, baking and drinks of the hot kind.  Yummy.  How does this help me?  Sorry men, but PMS time, seriously, come in the house with this in the shopping bag.  Here is why: Among its many nutrients, cacao beans contain a slightly stimulatory, mood-boosting caffeine derivative called theobromine. Theobromine, a molecule with a structure similar to caffeine, has been shown to support mood and increase focus:)  I am big into plant-based or phyto healing, so as this chocolate melts on your tongue, a number of reactions occur, including the release of serotonin in the brain and mood-elevating endorphins in the body.  Yummy.
  4. Pass me my green tea y’all.  <<< I linked my all-time favorite recent discovery of this muscle recovery tea I drink after a hard day of yoga.  So why is tea, especially green tea helpful?   Tea, the green variety more so, provides catechin antioxidants that have been shown to support brain function and promote proper balance of the stress hormone cortisol.  Further, a toasty mug of tea can supply you with L-theanine, an amino acid that might promote you being alert a bit more.  Also a report published in Public Health Nutrition showed that study participants who sipped four or more cups of green tea daily reported having a more positive mood.  I recently started making my green tea 30 minutes ahead of time in the fridge using cold water and mint leaves.  I then drink it cold and I know that provides a metabolism boost as well.
  5. Walnuts were also on my list of foods to eat.  <<< again, I have to be careful.  No glaze, no almonds (I personally found out they cause me stomach pain…who knew? Autoimmune is a tricky navigation.), no additives.  JUST walnuts!  Why are they helpful?  Walnuts contain a handful of components that contribute to the elusive good mood, including omega-3s, vitamin B6, tryptophan, protein, and folate.  Higher blood levels of omega-3s have been linked with better mood and lower rates of depression, while lower blood levels of omega-3s have been associated with higher rates of depression and negative feelings.  Boom!  Grab you some walnuts friends.  Or nutty friends…either way. Normal suggested dosage of omega-3 oils is one gram (1,000 mg) per day. You’ll get about the same amount, as well as a healthy dose of fiber and protein, in just half an ounce of walnuts.  I put them on my yogurt, but yogurt is a whole different story, so read the ingredients!  I personally have been enjoying some Brown Cow yogurt…but prior to that is was the Stonyfield Farms kind.  Again, navigate so that you can actually read all the ingredients as I discuss in my 4 Weeks to Wellness course.  You don’t want things you can’t read going into your body.  It really does flare all kinds of things that are just bringing you down.

Thank you guys for reading this and go out and clean your pantry today!  Stock up for better health!

Anything's possible

Stop Apologizing for These 5 Things

I am perfect.  I never make mistakes.  Neither does anyone else in the world.  This actually false, but hey, it’s okay to make mistakes!  What I want to get away from, is apologizing for everyone’s mistakes.  I am serious.  Sometimes I feel like I have to apologize just for the color of my skin, but I know that would be crazy because I had no control over genetics, pigmentation or anything like that.

Unnecessary apologies don’t help anything.  In fact, it sends the message that you think you are responsible for the issue at hand.  Are you?  Did you create the mess we’re all in right now?  I know I didn’t, yet I honestly do find myself wanting to apologize and I realize that is a reaction more to the fact that I want to help the world change.  However, if I keep apologizing for the state of the world, that is a huge burden for just one person to bear.  I know that I am not alone in feeling this way, so let’s look at a few other things we need to stop apologizing for.

5 Things to Stop Apologizing For:

  1. Your skin color or appearance.  I watched this really interesting short video where the parents in some cultures wanted their kids to be lighter skinned…not just here.  I actually had my mouth drop open at one point when a Korean girl said lighter skin there is associated with beauty.  Or the beautiful girl from Bengali.  You see, no one ever said any of this mess to me, thankfully.  I enjoyed darker skin as one side of my family is naturally olive toned.  I actually researched the factors that cause skin to change color, and there are many different reports, but of course, it was an adaptation to protect ourselves much like my own genetic condition to store iron.  Why would we let this bother us so much?  It’s absurd that this is still an issue today.
  2. Your religion.  Whatever you believe, don’t believe or practice, that is personal.  It has no bearing on my life whatsoever…nor should it.  If someone is making you feel guilty for your beliefs or differences, that really says more about them than you.  Don’t apologize for what you believe in.  It’s okay to be different.
  3. Asking a question.  If the question pertains to something that you just don’t understand, or want to get a better grasp on, why should you apologize for it?  I don’t think it’s necessary to apologize for asking questions during a meeting, or even when something seems like the wrong way to go at work.  You might be the one who asks the question in front of everyone, but I bet you are certainly not the only one who had that question.  You can voice your opinion and be bold without needing to apologize.
  4. Having “you” time.  Why do we apologize for this?  Sometimes I don’t want to be involved in someone’s drama, mess or ridiculousness.  Maybe I just really want to have me time…lots.  But that is actually no one’s business.  I do like lots of time alone and I also enjoy time with friends.  Thankfully, my friends get it if I say I don’t feel like doing something or not right now, or whatever I say.  The word no should be enough without needing to apologize for taking a step back.
  5. Circumstances, or health problems, you can’t control.  I felt guilty for so long on this one.  Wow.  Why?  Because I was born with iron overload and didn’t know it??  How the hell was that my fault and why did I keep carrying that around?  I don’t know.  It really wasn’t my fault.  If there are circumstances beyond your control, stop apologizing.  You are wasting precious time feeling guilty, sorry, angry and other emotions that have no place in your life.  They are taking up head space, so kick them out.  Don’t say you are sorry if someone shares something difficult with you as well <<< I have to work on this one.  Try “I can’t imagine how you feel.” Or “That must be difficult.”  Why do we apologize like we caused it???  I know it’s instinct, so I really have to work on this one.

Stop hating yourself

Life After a Narcissistic Relationship Ends (How to Move Forward)

What is a narcissist exactly?  By definition it is someone who is overly self-involved, vain or selfish.  I happen to know quite a few of these people, and yes, was in a relationship with one once long ago.  Quite thankfully, I recognized what he was doing even back then as it could have been quite scary.  What exactly were the signs I recognized?

  • everything was on his time
  • wanted to party all the time
  • had to be in the center of attention by drawing people to him
  • put on an “act” like it was a circus show
  • lied to me…constantly
  • would do one good thing, to replace the 50 bad things he did

These are just some of the signs that I recognized and knew it was a ridiculous arrangement.  Read this article for more on When an Empath Loves a Narcissist.  So how does one move on after this?

How to Move Forward:

  1. Stop feeling guilty, judging yourself, or feeling used.  It is quite possible that this is what he or she wants.  It creates that isolating feeling that they love.  Now you have no one to call, and feel sorry for yourself.  It is normal.  You will be able to build up relationships once again that help you with your self-esteem, not drain it.
  2. Start your self-care routines again…which means focusing on you!  Consider this experience a lesson in how to take care of yourself and make yourself a priority once again.  Honestly, you can be stronger than the you that just came out of this relationship.  I know it sounds crazy, but it is true.  Start your wellness routine which includes fitness, nutrition, balance and self-care.  I talk about this in 4 Weeks to Wellness, but it is absolutely the best way to heal yourself completely.
  3. Journal the things you want to remove from your life and the things you want to attract.  Write down the qualities you would like to have in your next relationship, and compare your list to what just happened.  Chances are, the qualities were never there to begin with.  It was all smoke and mirrors.  Get in the habit of putting yourself first and thinking about your goals and dreams.
  4. Take stock of your feelings.  Sit with them a minute.  Write them down.  How are you feeling?  Now imagine the best version of you.  The you that is there, but is just hidden way below the surface right now.  What if you journaled each and every night on the best parts of your day, you, your family, your friends, and everything about your life that is great?  There is so much left to be thankful for and after all this, the relationship has shown you what you don’t want to be like.  That was not a relationship for your highest good and somewhere deep inside you knew it all along.  You are able to see much more clearly now that the fog has lifted.

You will be able to move forward.  Use yoga, journaling, meditation, walks in nature, alone time, massage and more as a way to get back to the you that you want to be.   We all have bad days, make bad decisions and date the wrong people.  But that doesn’t mean we have to stay in that place forever.  This has prepared us for what we no longer want in our lives.

move forward

5 Signs You Are Over Thinking (And what to do about it)!

You have a choice to make.  A decision.  You listen to the chatter in your head for hours, days maybe and still can’t decide what to do.  Your heart knows the right answer.  But you keep listening to the chatter.  Did you know 73% of 25-35 year-olds identified as over thinkers?  More women (57%) find themselves over thinking than men (43%).

If you find yourself obsessing, over thinking, and not being able to stop, you need to change the thoughts immediately!!   

5 Signs You Are Over Thinking:

  1. You change clothes quite a few times before finally deciding on what to wear.  Solution:  Pick out your clothes the night before.  Everything, down to the accessories, and try it all on.  No matter what, stick with it.
  2. You are so busy running in a negative state of mind, that you can’t see past the situation.  The here and now.  Solution:  Get outside.  Change what you are doing right now.  Drop that thought and everything that comes with it.  Go on a bike ride, a walk, take a yoga class.  Move forward into the present.
  3. You don’t take time for yourself because you are too busy thinking about things that could go wrong.  You say no to new opportunities, new friends, and possibly new yoga classes because you might do something wrong.  Solution: Say yes.  Really, as soon as someone asks you to something that your body immediately thinks YES to, just say it without over thinking what could go wrong.  Your gut instinct and your heart are telling you to listen.  It’s your brain that is over thinking.  You have to change the pattern of the old ways by listening to your heart and gut feelings.  Here is what I like to do to get away:  Get outside and preserve my spirit. 
  4. You stay up all night thinking about the thing that happened.  The worst case scenario of that thing.  Maybe that pain was cancer?  You go from fine to spontaneously combusting in your head.  Solution:  Journaling all your thoughts out before you go to bed.  All the negatives in your head.  Then you write everything as you wish it will happen like in my manifesting journal article.  You write how it will go in the positive and believe it.
  5. The cycle of over thinking creates anger, jealousy, fear, betrayal, doubt, indecision and more in your real life.  Solution:  You have to take a step back and look at the process of letting go.  Get out of your head and let it all go.  Let go of the feeling that distract you from your higher purpose.  You can’t live your life in your head.  Start to come back to the body, the breath and this moment.  Slow down.  Be present and be real.  This is the only way to stop this process.  For me, it’s getting into my flow.  As you know that’s writing, yoga and reading a good book.  Gardening, hiking and more also fall on this list.  Time stops.  The world comes to a halt when I am in my flow.  Find that activity that makes your heart sing and stop the chatter.

Negative people