5 Ways to Work Through Grief

As I prepare to write this post, I want to say that grief can come over you at anytime.  Whether it is the loss of a loved one, a dear pet, or grief for something you can’t name.  It feels heavy on your chest like you can’t breathe and it stays there for a while.

The suffocating feeling lasts for a while, but after a time you notice you can take a little bit more air in and the knot in your chest starts to loosen.  Maybe you start to feel guilty about that, so you try to hold on tighter and love more, but just let it ease gradually.

Some people I know throw themselves into a million projects, classes, trips, and have literally zero down time.  They are not ready for the grief to process yet.  From what I have observed, this is somewhat like ripping the band-aid off and they are waiting as long as they can.  If that is their process, so be it.  Each person is different; however, if you are reading this, I will try to help as gently as I can.

I am on day one of a new round of grief.  Each time I feel loss it is different, yet the same.  Here are a few things that I have learned.

5 Ways to Work Through Grief:

  1. Sit with it for a while.  The first day, it is very fresh and raw.  You might want the ache to go away immediately.  Acceptance is very difficult.  In fact, we want to do the opposite.  We want to come up with a million reasons why we shouldn’t accept it.  A million “what ifs” or “maybes”.  All the while there it still is.  It has already happened.  So slow down your breathing.  If you pray, speak out your needs, thoughts and silent prayer to help you get through this first day.
  2. Support will come through…and many times it is people who have experienced a grief similar to yours.  As people begin to reach out to you, and they ask you the same thing, “Is there anything I can do?”, take them up on it if you want to just talk.  I reach out to people who I know have experienced a similar loss as mine.  For them, the loss that I have experienced has already brought up those thoughts, especially if they are reaching out.  There is something in that comfort that envelops you and hugs you close and says “I know.  I have been there before and here I am.”  It is comforting and warm.
  3. Work through it on your own time.  It is important to know that it truly is a process, but it is not the same length for everyone.  You can’t just wish it would go away…but you can write it away.  Little by little.  If writing isn’t your thing, you can join a group or speak to a counselor.  There are many online groups as well.  But make sure it is similar to your loss.  There is strength in numbers.  A quiet strength.
  4. Self-care need to be practiced.  When I say this, I mean it.  Eat food.  Make yourself take a small snack even if you are not hungry.  Hot tea.  Crackers.  Soup.  Comfort food.  Take a bath.  Get yourself cleaned up and read a book.  Watch a show that gets your mind somewhere else for a bit.  Make sure you are practicing self-care.
  5. I don’t even want to type this…because it still is raw, but it will eventually feel lighter.  Again, there is no normal here, okay?  Don’t compare your process to others.  It is said we go through denial, numbness and shock at first.  Then bargaining, depression, anger, and finally acceptance.  It is possible your process won’t even look like that, or you might skip parts.  So instead of my saying we go through 5 stages, which might not be true for you, I will say what I know to be true.  Eventually, you will feel lighter.

After some time has passed, the name of a loved one will pass through your lips and you will feel a connection as you say it, and love.  Not grief so much.  I know this is true because it took me many years before I could really talk about my grandmother with laughter again.  It didn’t matter that I knew she wouldn’t want me to be sad or any of those things that I would want for my own family…I selfishly held on to the sadness, and anger, for far too long.

So if you can start up your yoga, meditation, prayer, writing or anything you love to do on a regular basis, do it.  Feel the present moment around you and allow gratitude to come into your heart that you loved so deeply.

Sacredness

How to Release Old Patterns of Thought

ReprogramIt is the first day of autumn officially where I live.  For me, this time always reflects change.  Letting go of things.  Making room for growth.  All before the end of the year.  I know that I have lofty goals, but there’s something about watching the trees shed their leaves that really reminds me of the work I have to do on the inside to stay healthy on the outside as well.

In order to find balance, we have to be ready to do the work.  We have been holding onto fears, worries and troubles from our past for far too long.

You leave old habits behind by starting out with the thought, ‘I release the need for this in my life’. ~Wayne Dyer

I have done quiet a bit of research on pain…both physical and mental pain.  I know that we carry quite a bit of pain around with us from past experiences if we have not yet released it and let it go.  This is evidenced by the fact that when preparing to speak on something once, I could not get through a certain part.  Everything else I could practice just fine, but this one part always got stuck in my throat and my eyes welled up with tears.  It was time for me to be okay with that part of my story.

How did I start releasing what was not serving me?

The first step was to continue speaking it out loud.  You don’t have to tell a room full of people; however, a trusted friend, therapist or counselor will work.  I had to put a name to the emotion I was feeling and that feeling was still grief.  After all these years.  It was time to let go just a little, and step into healing.  So as you begin to let go of this feeling, remember that whatever it was meant to teach you at the time, is long gone by now and we don’t have to stay in that place forever.

The second step for me is to write it down.  It can be in your journal, or as a letter to the universe.  It can be a prayer, or it can be on slips of paper you burn.  Whatever you feel called to do, but write the truth.  I know someone who once said to me that this was the hardest part of her healing journey.  So close your eyes and think of the people, events, setting, or whatever it is that you are trying to release.  Write down the feelings that are caught up in this thing.  Then let it go.  Don’t think on it any longer after you have gotten it out.  If you are afraid you will dwell on it, burn it!  You know, in a safe way that doesn’t catch anything on fire.

The last step is wiping the slate clean.  A nice clean chalkboard.  As a teacher, I would make sure there was not a hint of old chalk from yesterday as I wrote the next day’s lesson on the board.  I loved a clean board.  Visualize that whatever pain you had is truly released and washed away.  Here is where I want to point out that if you are blaming others for something, let it go.

My lesson is on releasing the people who I have clearly seen lying.  Apparently, I am really supposed to let this one go.  I learned people are definitely covering up for something when they lie, but it has nothing to do with me.  I decided to shift my perspective to one of gratitude.  I am thankful I don’t have to lie about who I am to feel satisfied in my life.  I am thankful I don’t have to lie to my husband, or my friends to feel liked.  I see no purpose in it, but clearly it is a defense mechanism for others.

By transforming old patterns of my mind, and bringing my attention to the present moment, I am letting go of things I don’t want to carry forward with me into the next season.

End Your Day With Mindfulness

This one is actually quite difficult for most people to do, but put the phones away.  Turn them off.  Hide them if you must.  Sit at the table and practice eating mindfully.  As we connect to slowing down from our day, take a moment to notice the food.  The taste.  The color.  The time it took to prepare.  Be present as you sit and eat; furthermore, see if you can engage the senses as you bite, smell, and savor the taste.  Be present in your thoughts as you end the day.  Let go of anything you don’t want to take with you for the next day.  Continue this practice daily and you will see an improvement in your mood as well.

release_leavesYou might like this post as well on Tips for living with pain.

Why You Must Stop Comparing Yourself to Others.

Today happens to be Monday.  If you have been following for a long while, you know I used to write these “Motivational Monday” posts…but if you search that term, I have quite a few.  So instead of using the broad term now, I come up with something that all of my readers happen to be struggling with based off something that I am working on as well.  Today is no different.

I am changing how I do “Mondays” in my life.  Before I even sit down to look at my fan page, before I even respond to anyone, I am walking with my friend every Monday now.  This is not how everyone else in Social Media Land does their Mondays…I know.  But the thing is, I don’t have to be like everyone else.

Aimee loves writing.

So here’s a funny little story about me.  I have written things since I was tiny.  I have spiral notebooks of the worst poetry you can ever imagine from my teen years.  I have epic papers saved on every literature topic known to man, somewhere in my filing cabinet.  I have children’s stories written and saved and not shown or read to anyone…except my own children.  And then I have the blog.  The blog that I started writing under a drawing of an elf…under a fake name.  Until one day someone said, hey, is this yours?  And I finally said yes.

The cat was out of the bag.

So why was I afraid to be known for something I loved?  Good question.  I think it started because I was afraid to be criticized…and I was writing about very personal things at first.  My health.  My teaching career.  And having a mid-life crisis…except it wasn’t mid-life.  I was just 35 at the time.  Everyone else seemed to have their shit together and I had been falling apart since the start of my career…at 23 years old.  But then something glorious happened.  People started being honest.  They started being real.

People were faking it as well.

People started telling me about different things they went through.  Health scares, and anger.  Depression, anxiety and wondering what was next for them as well.  Living with invisible diseases was like trying to pretend I was “normal”, but I didn’t know what normal was anymore…and apparently, neither did most people.  I was…get this…normal.  So as I looked around at my friends, we dropped the masks.  Yup.  Took them off about 5 years ago, like really took them off.

We got deep and real and said guess what?  Sometimes I wish I had a clean house like so and so.  Or sometimes I wish I was more laid back like you.  And of course my secret, after developing autoimmune, I hate cooking.  So I would look at these moms with their meals and their shit together photos and be like damn.  I don’t even want to think about it.

So how does all this help you?

  1. No one is you.  Repeat it.  Accept the fact that no matter who is out there on social media, in your circle, or in the carpool line, they don’t have the same story as you.  They weren’t raised the same, don’t have the same values, morals and even ethics as you, and whatever they are doing now, might not even make you happy.  You don’t know what they had to do to get where they are.
  2. They might actually be jealous of you.  A friend once stopped speaking to me because I have a supportive husband.  Yes, that was it.  I didn’t know why, and we didn’t speak for months.  Even deleted me off social media.  A mutual friend let it slip.  Wow.  I felt bad for her actually.  She was so unhappy in her life that she couldn’t actually look at my life?  Dude.  That was harsh.  I had no idea.  Hilarious post on beating envy can be read here…after this!
  3. It is okay to have success.  There is not a cap on success.  You can be successful and so can other people.  What if you covet the success of other people because you don’t feel as successful?  Start to think of all the things you do well.  Seriously.  You have accomplished lots and it’s time to be proud.  If your success is that you are taking care of your family, your bills and getting up and going to work without complaining, that is something to be proud of.  Maybe you make the best school lunch in town.  Maybe you do your kid’s hair just so.  Maybe you make what little you have stretch and stretch.  That is still success.
  4. Comparing yourself to others breeds resentment.  I once knew someone so green with envy, she seriously could have turned into the Wicked Witch of the West.  The funny thing was, everyone, and I do mean everyone, appeared to think she was Glenda the Good Witch.  But underneath it all she would murmur, my stuff is as good as theirs.  I don’t see why they’re getting noticed.  She would whisper I can’t stand her.  And then be like heyyyy girl.  Love your hair.  Love what you’re doing right now.  So happy for you.  And start mumbling again.  Whew.  Bye Felicia.  I don’t want to turn green as well.
  5. In the end, focus only on what you can change…about yourself.  Ruminating doesn’t help us break the cycle.  Get over it, get it out, and move on.  Compare yourself to where you were last month…that’s fine.  Compare yourself to where you were years ago.  That’s also fine.  But don’t worry about what others are doing…because if they are smart, they aren’t worried about what you are doing.  It’s a losing battle and one that ultimately is a time-suck.  You are far better off journaling your intentions, your affirmations and your goals.  That’s time well spent.

Start today with a few of these articles to help you move forward.

6 Things No One Else Controls Except You!

I still really love this:  Tiny Continuous Improvements.

And this Motivational Monday on new habits.

Water your own garden

Top 50 John Lennon Quotes

john-lennon-quotesGuest post: by Gregg Prescott, M.S.
Editor, In5D.com

50 inspirational quotes from John Lennon. John Lennon was one of those rare people who was more influenced by peace and harmony than living an affluent life. His words were not only deep but inspiring. While John did not lead a very long life, his words remain immortal.

50. “Love is the greatest refreshment in life.”

49. “Part of me suspects that I’m a loser, and the other part of me thinks I’m God Almighty.”

48. “My role in society, or any artist’s or poet’s role, is to try and express what we all feel. Not to tell people how to feel. Not as a preacher, not as a leader, but as a reflection of us all.”

47. “That’s what the great masters and mistresses have been saying ever since time began. They can point the way, leave signposts and little instructions in various books that are now called holy and worshipped for the cover of the book and not for what it says, but the instructions are all there for all to see, have always been and always will be.”

46. “Everybody loves you when you’re six foot in the ground.”

45.  “There is an alternative to war. It’s staying in bed and growing your hair.”

44. “My defenses were so great. The cocky rock and roll hero who knows all the answers was actually a terrified guy who didn’t know how to cry. Simple.”

43. “Well, I don’t want to be king, I want to be real.”

42. “Life is very short, and there’s no time for fussing and fighting my friends”

41. “Trying to please everybody is impossible – if you did that, you’d end up in the middle with nobody liking you. You’ve just got to make the decision about what you think is your best, and do it.”

40. “I’m not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I’ve always been a freak. So I’ve been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I’m one of those people.”

39. “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”

38. “One thing I can tell you is you have to be free. Come together, right now, over me.”

37.  “Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.”

36. “Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.”

35. “Music is everybody’s possession. It’s only publishers who think that people own it.”

34. “Only by trying on other people’s clothes do we find what size we are.”

33. “Produce your own dream. If you want to save Peru, go save Peru. It’s quite possible to do anything, but not if you put it on the leaders and the parking meters. Don’t expect Carter or Reagan or John Lennon or Yoko Ono or Bob Dylan or Jesus Christ to come and do it for you. You have to do it yourself.”

32. “Declare it. Just the same way we declare war. That is how we will have peace… we just need to declare it.”

31. “Surrealism had a great effect on me because then I realized that the imagery in my mind wasn’t insanity. Surrealism to me is reality.”

30. “When you do something noble and beautiful and nobody noticed, do not be sad. For the sun every morning is a beautiful spectacle and yet most of the audience still sleeps.”

29. “Happiness is just how you feel when you don’t feel miserable.”

28. “If everyone could just be happy with themselves and the choices people around them make, the world would instantly be a better place!”

27. “You know the way people begin to look like their dogs? Well, we’re beginning to look like each other.”

26. “A mistake is only an error, it becomes a mistake when you fail to correct it.”

25. I believe in God, but not as one thing, not as an old man in the sky. I believe that what people call God is something in all of us. I believe that what Jesus and Mohammed and Buddha and all the rest said was right. It’s just that the translations have gone wrong.

24. “The thing the sixties did was to show us the possibilities and the responsibility that we all had. It wasn’t the answer. It just gave us a glimpse of the possibility.”

23. “…Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink. I don’t know what will go first, rock ‘n’ roll or Christianity. We’re more popular than Jesus now. Jesus was all right, but his disciples were thick and ordinary. It’s them twisting it that ruins it for me.”

22. “We live in a world where we have to hide to make love, while violence is practiced in broad daylight.”

21. “When I cannot sing my heart, I can only speak my mind.”

20. “You’re all geniuses, and you’re all beautiful. You don’t need anyone to tell you who you are. You are what you are. Get out there and get peace, think peace, and live peace and breathe peace, and you’ll get it as soon as you like.”

19. I believe in everything until it’s disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it’s in your mind. Who’s to say that dreams and nightmares aren’t as real as the here and now?

18. “Everything is clearer when you’re in love.”

17. “I’m not really a career person; I’m a gardener, basically.”

16. “Sometimes you wonder, I mean really wonder. I know we make our own reality, and we always have a choice, but how much is preordained? Is there always a fork in the road, and are there two preordained paths that are equally preordained? There could be hundreds of paths where one could go this way or that way — there’s a chance, and it’s very strange sometimes.”

15. “Peace is not something you wish for; It’s something you make, Something you do , Something you are, And something you give away”

14. “Why in the world are we here? Surely not to live in pain and fear. Why on earth are you there, when you’re everywhere-come and get your share.”

13. “Creativity is a gift. It doesn’t come through if the air is cluttered.”

12. “Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives. I think we’re being run by maniacs for maniacal ends and I think I’m liable to be put away as insane for expressing that. That’s what’s insane about it.”

11. “Love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it’s going to get on by itself. You’ve got to keep on watering it. You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it.”

10. “You don’t need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are!”

9. “There are no problems, only solutions.”

8. “There’s nothing new under the sun. All the roads lead to Rome. And people cannot provide it for you. I can’t wake you up. You can wake you up. I can’t cure you. You can cure you.”

7.  “Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us, and the world will be as one.”

6. “There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done

Nothing you can sing that can’t be sung.

Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game.

It’s easy.

Nothing you can make that can’t be made.

No one you can save that can’t be saved.

Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time.

It’s easy.

Nothing you can know that isn’t known.

Nothing you can see that isn’t shown.

Nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be.

It’s easy.”

5. “Being honest may not get you a lot of friends but it’ll always get you the right ones.”

4. “If you want peace, you won’t get it with violence.”

3. “All we are saying is give peace a chance.”

2. “It matters not who you love, where you love, why you love, when you love or how you love, it matters only that you love”

2. “It matters not who you love, where you love, why you love, when you love or how you love, it matters only that you love”

1.  “Love, Love, Love. All you need is love. Love is all you need.”

About the Author:
Gregg Prescott <a href=Gregg Prescott, M.S. is the founder and editor of In5D and BodyMindSoulSpirit. You can find his In5D Radio shows on the In5D Youtube channel. Gregg is also a transformational speaker and promotes spiritual, metaphysical and esoteric conferences in the United States through In5dEvents. His love and faith for humanity motivates him to work in humanity’s best interests 12-15+ hours a day, 365 days a year
.

Gregg is a friend of theburnedhand.com and has given permission to share his article here.  Thank you Gregg!

A Fun Door Quiz to See What it Says About Your Future…

A shared article.

doorTake a look at the arches first, then the path behind it.  Which one speaks to you most?  Got it in your mind?  Now read the results below!

 

If you chose number 1 , Your Path is Freeing.
You are the type of person who needs a ton of space. You need the freedom to do things your own way. You prefer a path that you carve yourself, especially one with infinite possibilities and routes. You don’t want to feel constrained. You are highly independent and even rebellious, but you don’t like confrontation. You’re more likely to passively resist someone or something. You hate to be rushed, and you prefer to take the time to savor life. You’re too busy enjoying life to draw attention to yourself.

If you chose Number 2, your path is Private.
You are the kind of person who prefers to travel alone. You like to observe, think, and sort out whatever is in your head. You prefer a path that’s fit for one. You can see others once you arrive at your destination, but you need your downtime first. You are very original and insightful. You look at the world in a unique way, and others can benefit from your point of view. You are a bit of a loner, but you connect well with people when you take the time. You are very understanding.

If you chose Number 3, Your path is Colorful.
You are a very engaging and engaged person. You love to be a part of the world… you like to experience it all. Your ideal path is filled with color, excitement, and beauty. For you, it’s more about the journey than the destination. You are curious and excited to learn more. You love to start conversations, and you ask lots of questions. You are intellectual and witty. You think of more zingers than you’d ever use, and you keep people laughing.

If you chose Number 4, Your path is Exciting!
You are always moving forward in your life, often into the unknown. You just go for it and deal with the consequences later. Your ideal path is unpredictable and maybe even a little scary. You are drawn to the unknown. You can be a rule breaker, and you’re even somewhat careless. You have been known to act without thinking, but it usually all works out for you. You are very spontaneous and a major thrill seeker. You are going to make the most of the time you’ve been given on this planet!

If you chose number 5 , Your path is Welcoming.
You are an peace-seeking, low maintenance person. You are very content, and you don’t like to be bothered. Your ideal path is clear cut and enjoyable. You want to enjoy your trip and to know what you’re getting into. You will often take the easy choice whenever possible. Life is hard enough, and you never want to make it harder on yourself. You are stable and supportive of those around you. You are known for your consistency and down to earth perspective.

If you chose number 6 , Your path is Quiet.
You value solitude in all aspects of your life. You can spends large periods of time alone without feeling lonely. Your ideal path is one that is very still and quiet. You want to absorb everything around you without feeling overwhelmed. You seek meaning in every aspect of life. And you live very deliberately – both in action and in thought. You don’t like crowds, but you do like people. You value authentic relationships, and you prefer the depth of one on one interaction.

source was also found on In5D

Which door did you choose?  Feel free to use the comments.

10 Mahatma Gandhi Quotes Everyone Needs

My throat was getting tight as I was trying to find a quote for you guys.  This happens when I read some of my past blog articles on what has happened in the world.  The quote that got me thinking is as follows:

When I despair, I remember that all through history the ways of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall.  ~Gandhi

I realized that I need to hear more…and just let it sink in after every quote.  Really feel the conviction in his words and the belief that everything will be okay for our society.  I know that I am not alone in this.

10 Gandhi Quotes Everyone Needs:

  1. Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.   How true is this in your life right now?  What areas of you life do you feel you need to work on?
  2. You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.  This is a favorite of mine.  I repeat it after horrible national tragedies for the reason that I need to hear it.
  3. The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
    Do you struggle with this one?  I admit, that I do.  I repeat this quote when I know it is still a lesson to be learned.
  4. Power is of two kinds. One is obtained by the fear of punishment and the other by acts of love. Power based on love is a thousand times more effective and permanent then the one derived from fear of punishment. 
    Think of the times you didn’t want to let someone down because of your love for them.  This quote speaks volumes.
  5. The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.  I have a bookmark with this quote to remind me to do more good in the world.  We all could benefit from this quote.
  6. Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.  This one is a bit harder for me, but I know that I need to make every moment count.  Can you think of something you are putting off until tomorrow that you really need to get done today?
  7. Hate the sin, love the sinner.    How easy is this one to do?  Practice makes perfect.  I have a hard time with this one as well…so I keep practicing it.  That is the best any of us can do.  We have to remember that we are all human and what we dislike in someone else is actually the wrong they are doing.  Even if they feel they are entitled, it is after all their mistake.  Their life. 
  8. One needs to be slow to form convictions, but once formed they must be defended against the heaviest odds.  I love one so much.  I have always been told that I have a really hard head, which is fine with me.  Once I have decided to form a conviction, on what is right and wrong, or just in this world, I will defend it.  Integrity should be defended as well as truth.  If we let these things fall away, it would eat away at our very being.  That’s why when I had a co-worker who knew right from wrong, and never said anything, just let bad things happen to avoid conflict, I had to remind them of their duty as an educator.  Just because it makes us uncomfortable is not an excuse to let bad things happen. 
  9. Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.  Again, for me personally, this quote hits home.  So many times I could have given up on my quest to make a better life for myself.  To find the answers I needed to fix my declining health.  But I never gave up.  I am persistent and of course, hard-headed. 
  10. An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.  This is my friend’s all-time favorite quote…so much so it was her license plate for a while.  What do we learn from striking out at others as they have done to us?  Does it really ever change things in our lives?  Make us feel better?  I would caution a guess as to the fact that it changes nothing and makes us feel worse.  There are ways we can make our voices heard.

gandhi_world

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How to Find Your Groove Again…and Release Funk!

I can’t help but think of George Clinton and “We’ve Got the Funk” when I started thinking about my title for this post.  After I listened to that song, it was hard to concentrate as I like music and I started to wiggle…but that made it even better.

So back to the word “funk” and what that means to me.  I know that I have many things to be happy about, but occasionally, it takes just one little thing to bring my mood down.  I know that I do not want to function at such a low vibrational frequency, but at times, I just have to go with it.  If it appears I need to bring myself out of it, because it has lasted longer than necessary, I will work to snap myself out of it.

Why don’t you want to stay in a “funk” or a low-frequency?

I know that many people worry about money, so I am going to start there.  When you worry about money, bills, and feel like you have scarcity in your life, you actually start attracting more of it.  I know some people think this sounds crazy, but it’s true.  On the other hand, when you start acting as if your needs will be met, through prayer, meditation, or journaling, and release it after the prayer, things start to shift.  I have seen this happen in my life and I firmly believe it to be true.

I would like you to apply the “acting as if” rule to your thoughts anytime you start to feel like things are slipping out of control.  One of the hardest times to do this for me personally was when I was very ill.  When you are ill, you are not at your best.  It lowers you so much that it seems you can’t get out of the hole.  Start visualizing yourself well.  Again, write on it, pray over it, meditate on a healthy vision of you.  Embrace it.  When people ask you how you are doing, say “I am healing.”  Do not, in any way shape or form, list what is wrong with you.  Don’t air it out on Facebook, don’t talk about it with a friend, don’t put it in writing anywhere.

The exception to this thought process is if you put it out there in a positive way.  I know that sounds crazy, but a friend of mine does this to let her friends know how her journey is going and it is never written in a low way.  It is always written in a way that says how blessed she is, and I believe it helps her healing process.  She has continued to beat enormous odds!

How can we find our groove again?

  1. Do a body scan like I say at the beginning and end of my yoga classes.  Breathe deeply, start your thoughts at your head and release tension you might be holding in your jaw, and face.  Work your way down and feel the tension slipping from your shoulders.  If you notice any tight spots, send healing thoughts there to open the muscles up like a flower budding, releasing the tension held therein.  Continue working your way down and take inventory of your stomach.  This part is a little bit different.  Think about what you are eating.  Are you feeding yourself good foods?  Does your stomach not seem to digest foods?  Are you processing foods normally?  <<< Yes, I know people think this is TMI, but it helps.  Lastly, scan all the way through your body and notice where you are holding tension.  Release the tension by tensing the muscle and releasing it.
  2. From your body scan or inventory above, think to yourself what needs to improve.  Are your self-care routines in place?  Are you taking care to keep moving and exercise?  Have you given up doing something you love and thus feel tight and tense all the time?  What really needs to change?  Embrace the truth with yourself.  Don’t cover it up.  Write about what things you know need to be different in order for you to “release the funk.”
  3. Are you sleeping?  Full disclosure on this one.  Several years ago I started doing research, more research, into all-natural supplements because I was diagnosed with so many things.  I read that people with fibromyalgia don’t sleep, and I put myself on this supplement and never looked back.  Except when I run out of it and can’t sleep again for 2 days until the order comes in.  So I became a customer first as I got a discount from ordering something that honestly, helped me find sleep at last.  You are more than welcome to do your own research, but for me, the change was drastic.  I needed sleep to function.
  4. The stomach was the root of several of my moodiness issues.  If you read my post I linked up there to the word stomach…it really changed my life when I realized that caused me so many hours of “funk” when it was not in balance.  I did put myself on my own probiotics after hours of research into the different types.  Why?  My gut was causing me so much pain and dysfunction that I couldn’t have a normal life.  Period.  <<< that link above is my really super amazing research I wrote for a magazine:)  Yes I am proud of it because I didn’t give up on my quest to find my groove again.
  5. Treat yourself and others with kindness.  Have faith that this will pass.  Be gentle to yourself, but firm that you can’t stay in this place forever. I know you can move forward and find that inner fire again!

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On Speaking Your Truth (and how to release the outcome)

Dear friends,

How difficult is it for you to stand up for yourself in a way that honors your spirit and soul and yet allows you to release the outcome?  If you are like me, this might be difficult.  As I write from the heart about my experiences, I have had many days where after I hit the publish on a post I want to take it back.  One such day was the day I poured out my heart and soul on my empath post.

I was getting messages, friend requests and more.  The Facebook fan page always welcomes my fans and I appreciate your many messages of support.  What I did not expect was outright plagiarism of my work.  This did not come my fans, but other sites claiming to work from the heart.  Working from the heart, using my experiences.  Interesting.

So as I work through speaking the truth without fear of my voice being stolen, I would like to offer you some advice. <<< By the way, I feel like Ariel and the Sea-witch Ursula.  Sites trying to lure people in…using other voices.

On Speaking Your Truth:

  1. Live by being authentic.  If I would advise you on something, I better be ready to do the same thing.  I want to give you genuine advice that I would want given to me.  That is pretty simple to follow.
  2. Live by example.  If you tell the world that you wouldn’t do something, but you do it anyway, well, there really is no truth in that.  My for example is that now the site of my stolen work has a disclaimer saying I can nicely ask them to take it down.  I tried that, but then they just re-wrote it slightly different, still using my experiences.  Interesting.
  3. Have the courage to speak up…without fear that you are doing something wrong.  You know the old saying, two wrongs don’t make a right?  Well, if you speak up about an issue that is important to you, and you do so in a manner that is true to you, as nice as you think you can be in this situation just stating plain facts, you are doing what you felt called to do.  You can still walk away with your head high because you tried to do the right thing.
  4. Only take care of you.  This one is hard because you really want the other person to do the right thing and understand how you feel in this situation, but the bottom line is, they might not care.  You can’t micromanage the feelings that the other person should have.  This is very difficult if you are someone who feels very deeply.  The other person might be emotionally detached from the situation and therefore, just not be invested in the outcome like you are.
  5. Let. It. Go.  How many of you get to this point, but just stay in the driver seat like Thelma and Louise going over the cliff?  Yup.  You are not sure what to do.  I get it because I am just like you.  Letting go requires that we have a greater faith in the universe and God (or whatever you believe), and that we are being supported as we go through the hard things in life.  Trust me.  You guys have read my about me.  I honestly believe that I am being supported as I navigate life and that each step is to show me something I might not have considered before.

As I stared at my work being taken, a feeling of sadness overtook me.  What am I supposed to learn from this?  How can I protect myself and my readers? 

If you read through a blog article and you get to the bottom of the article, look to see if the source is there, really hidden away.  If it was taken from another blog without that person knowing, go directly to the blog and say something like “Hey, I just read this on this site called Steal All Your Stuff (fake name).”  Here is where I found it, and copy the link.  These sites have no photos usually of the owner and appear to have fake names as well.  Why are they hiding?

Usually, if permission was given, the source will be credited right at the beginning saying guest post from X.  Or used with author’s permission from X source.  It will be boldly at the top…not hidden away, with another author’s name at the top like they wrote it.  Also, what I have found is that sites who work correctly also give a nice author’s bio at the bottom.  This benefits both sites.  It shows that the author has in fact, given his/her blessing.

It’s sometimes difficult to be an advocate for yourself, but hopefully if you advocate for others, it will get easier to tell your truth as well. 

breathe

Coping During a Mercury Retrograde

Are you feeling a little bit anxious?  Do you feel misunderstood?  Friends who are empaths read this before continuing if you haven’t read it before.  What is empathy?  Well, empathy can be described as the ability to read and understand people.  Empaths are a bit different and are quite sensitive to others moods, energy and thoughts without even being aware that they are.  They just sometimes “know” things aren’t right and can really feel shifts around them.  During this time of a high communication “fritz”, we need to be mindful on HOW we are communicating and what types of messages we are putting out there in the universe.

Lack of clear communication can lead to years of not speaking to someone.  Trust me, I know.  Sometimes it for the best, but other times, you wish you had talked to the person face-to-face.

What is Mercury Retrograde anyway??

It has been described to me as such:

We use the term “retrograde” to describe the backwards movement of a planet. Of course, the planet is not actually moving backwards; however, from earth it appears to be moving further away. When it does this, astrologers call it a retrograde, a time where the planet is almost “resting” or not in full action.

All planets retrograde, however Mercury retrograde is often the one that is given most attention because Mercury is associated with communication, technology and contracts- in many ways, Mercury is the messenger.  Communication, travel, and technology—all of these areas might go haywire for about three weeks.

How to cope during this time:

  1. Read everything thoroughly that you are sent.  But Don’t read INTO it.  I admit that I might have a tiny problem when people send me things with ALL CAPS.  Don’t do that to people unless you are writing a blog article and want them to read that part:)
  2. Remember my 3 breaths from the FB Live video?  Pause and take those 3 deep belly breaths.  Put your hand on your belly, and then feel it rise and fill your lungs as they expand, exhale through your nose.  Repeat x 3!
  3. Confirm all travel plans before you head out.  If possible, have a back-up.  If not, just go with the flow if there are delays.
  4. Think of this time as a time to get to know the phone better…as in phone calls with voices.  Not texts, messages, e-mails on important items.  As a matter of fact, limit messages if you can.  They can be read into big time.
  5. This is a time to connect with your inner wisdom, not reactions.  Is it true?  Could the other person be feeling off?  What do I know about this person?  Is it in character?  Connect with your gut feelings.
  6. Do not put too much on your plate during this time.  <<< repeat it friends.  Back-to-school, new routines, new plans, for 3 weeks, just hold on before adding lots more to this time.  October is a great month after you have gotten into the routines of school to add things.
  7. Have patience.  Above all, I wish you patience during this time.  Seek out yoga, meditation, and quiet reflection at night.  Pause, breathe and be kind to yourself.

I have some great articles on journaling, self-care, and grounding your thoughts that might help you.  <<<  check those out for more!

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7 Ways to Protect Yourself From Energy Overload

You walk into the room and it is full of people.  As you start to scan the room for your friends, you see someone coming towards you who is known for negative comments.  Before they even reach you, you start to feel upset, or like a wave of bad vibes has suddenly hit you and you are about to go down.

You know that any time spent in their presence is going to feel like hours even if it just minutes.  After that, you will have no energy for anyone left in the room.  Not even your friends. 

You know that you have to see this person on a regular basis, so thankfully you have developed some tricks.

The above scenario can be played out at any place in your life.  Work.  The staff room.  Meetings.  Parties.  A friend’s dinner party.  Do you have an escape route or something that will help you?

I have worked with countless clients, yes almost all of my clients are women, but this does work for men as well who are highly sensitive people, or pick up on the vibrational frequency of others.  Is this a myth? 

Actually, it isn’t.  But it is really hard to understand and grasp so to begin with, it is important to know that everything is energy. Science, through Quantum Physics, is showing us that everything in our universe is energy.  <<< I really don’t want to break this all down like Sheldon, but here is a brief concept.

This Universal Law states that everything in the Universe moves and vibrates (everything is vibrating at one speed or another).  Everything you see around you is vibrating at one frequency or another including you.  This concept really blows people’s minds when they think about it…so just accept it for this article and we will move on.

In applying this theory though, I want you to think about the energy at work or somewhere you visit on a regular basis.  I once changed halls at work and it was the worst thing ever for my personal body.  The energy shift was palpable for me.  It was living and breathing and oozing into my body.  I was no longer happy.  The people around me were not nice and said awful things.  They literally sucked the happiness out of me.  I gradually became more sick with autoimmune until I could barely function.

Ack!!  Seriously.  It was a nightmare.  I did not know anything that would have helped me and the truth is, in this case, I had to leave the place altogether as the atmosphere was declining.  But what can you do to help yourself?

7 Ways to Protect Yourself From Energy Overload:

  1. Start to stabilize your vibration.  Give yourself an affirmation, a prayer, or repeat something like “I will not allow myself to be drained today.”  You can say a prayer or use a Bible verse to help you as you prepare to mentally stabilize yourself.
  2. Set up your boundariesVisualize the protective bubble of white light encircling you.  Again, this can be from your higher source.  So many people feel like they can’t believe in the energy and God.  I am not sure why.  It really is okay to talk to Him about this if that is your belief.  Fill the protective bubble with love from Him or your higher source.
  3. Engage with a clear head.  Once you are ready to interact with the source, remember that you control your thoughts, your emotions, your words.  <<< see this article on what you control.  Don’t let their energy control your reactions.  They do want you to listen to them endlessly so you feel sorry for them.  They do want to rope you into their story.  They do want an audience.  Their negative energy creates more drama in their lives, but they won’t change.  Start to distance yourself with a few quick comments and move away.
  4. Solutions and helpful tips can help you get away.  This part is kind of interesting because as you offer solutions and helpful tips away from the problem, you can tell if they are receptive to changing their patterns.  If they never change, if they don’t act like the idea of solutions would ever work, you know the answer.  As you focus on how stressful this situation is with them, it increases your stress.  What you focus on you attract into your bubble.  As you help them with possible solutions and helpful tips, hopefully this will tell you where they want to focus their energy.  Cool huh?
  5. Does their opinion of you matter or can you remain neutral?  So this part is hard.  Do you take the other person’s personal baggage as your own and then when they are disappointed that you are no longer willing and ready to be their emotional dumpster, does it bother you or can you safely detach? <<< read later if you need to detach.  Your sense of self-esteem and self-worth should not be attached to this person.  Cut that visually with some scissors and move on.  Value yourself enough to know you are not a pack mule destined to carry their “crap” around.
  6. Focus only on what you can change.  If you can’t change them, oh wait, you can’t.  Don’t focus on that.  Manipulators of energy, energy vampires, and narcissists stay the same.  Period.  There is no way to “fix” them unless they want to fix themselves.  It just isn’t going to happen from you.  It is time to move on and that clear up great energy for you.  That space will be filled by the right people.  Trust me.  Write out “I attract great friends who value me.”
  7. Build your vitality and energy back with self-care routines.  After my experience at work, I was really ill.  You can read my about me.  Depending on how much time you have let go, and I admit I took a few years to wake up, you might need extensive self-care steps.  I worked on my routines until I fine-tuned them to a series of steps.  If you want self-guided workbooks and baby steps to direct you, it’s called 4 Weeks to Wellness.  There are many things you can do, but I personally had to get my life back in order with fitness/movement, even small movements, nutrition, stress and balance such as giving away things I did not need to free up space for things I needed, as well as my journal therapy that I created to move forward.

My girlfriends started asking me for more help and guidance with my style of journal therapy, so I created a bonus workbook that I really love on how to move forward in 21 days!!

I have spent countless hours researching and devoting myself to being able to move forward from a place of pain and once I cleared out the negative energy around me, I truly started seeing my life change.  Good luck on your journey!

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